


Hansen Investigations - Stories

by hopefulminty



Series: Hansen Investigations [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-06-30 00:23:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 34,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15740316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopefulminty/pseuds/hopefulminty
Summary: A collection of short stories/scenes that take place before, during, and afterHansen Investigations.





	1. Summer Before Junior Year - June

**Author's Note:**

> As promised at the end of _Hansen Investigations_ , I am now starting a collection of stories/scenes that take before, during, and after the main story. 
> 
> The stories most likely will not be posted in chronological order because they'll probably appear in whatever order I end up writing/finishing them. I will make sure to say when each one takes place at the top though. Due to the nature of this story, I kept writing blurbs and snippets of scenes that took place before and during _Hansen Investigations_ while I was writing the main story, so I currently have several stories that are being worked on.
> 
> I'm glad people seem to like Joey since he is the focus of the first story (and will be the focus of others later on). Feel free to toss out any prompts/requests/lingering questions you may have either on here or my writing tumblr (also under the name hopefulminty). I won't promise to use them because I really am a selfish writer who mainly writes for her own entertainment, but I will definitely consider any and all suggestions.
> 
> Especially if you point out a gaping plot hole from the main story. I keep expecting to find one of those...

**Summer Before Junior Year - June**

They were out of milk.

Joey knew that as soon as he opened the fridge. He wasn’t surprised to see it was gone. There had only been a couple splashes left in the carton when he hid it the night before. 

He should’ve known it would be gone by the time he woke up. He would’ve known right away if he’d bothered looking at Connor when he first walked in the room.

He sighed as he studied the inside of the fridge. They really needed to go to the grocery store before their parents came home from their trip. He had a feeling that was going to end up being his job. He was always the one who made sure the kitchen was stocked before their parents returned.

This was the worst he’d ever seen it. There was nothing in there except a piece of cheese, two apples, and three jars of pickle juice.

Three jars of pickle juice? He wondered why there were three jars of pickle juice in the fridge. He hadn’t thought anything of it last night when he hid the milk, but now...

He glanced over his shoulder at Connor. He wondered if Connor knew why they had three jars of pickle juice. He hoped the jars weren’t a sign that their mother was about to embark on some crazy new diet. He made a mental note to look up diets revolving around pickle juice later.

He closed the refrigerator and stared at the bowl in front of Connor. There was a lot of milk in there. More milk than Connor really needed for his cereal. He wondered if he could convince Connor to let him have some of it.

Who was he kidding? He’d have better luck convincing Zoe to let him eat one of her special chocolates, the ones she kept in her desk drawer. The ones she’d move if she ever found out he knew about them.

He tilted his head to study Connor’s expression. To subtly study his expression. To study it as subtly as he could manage.

He tried to figure out if Connor was high because he could use that to his advantage. He could try to convince Connor to swap his milk and cereal for a bowl of cereal and pickle juice.

Joey had eaten a bowl of cereal and orange juice once out of desperation/curiosity. That had actually been pretty good. He would’ve happily poured some orange juice on his Cheerios if they had any. 

Cheerios and pickle juice sounded gross, but it might not be that bad. Especially if you were high.

If Connor was Dazed High or Funny High, that was. Not Paranoid High or Angry High. Definitely not Angry High. Joey knew better than to try something like this if Connor was Angry High.

“What’re you staring at?”

Joey blinked when he realized that Connor was looking him right in the eye.

Not high then. Really not high. Slightly angry, but not high.

“Huh?” 

Connor narrowed his eyes. “What the fuck are you staring at?”

“Nothing,” Joey mumbled. He turned to face the cabinet by the stove. Okay, so, it was going to be a pop tart kind of a morning. He could live with that, even if they were of the organic, sugar-free, may-as-well-be-made-of-carboard variety.

There was only one left. He popped it in the toaster and leaned against the counter to wait.

He looked up when Zoe appeared in the doorway. She was already dressed and ready to face the day. 

“I’m going to the pool,” Zoe announced as she swept into the room. Her eyes lit up when she saw the pop tart. “Ooh, thanks.”

Joey glared at her as she wrapped it in a paper towel. “That’s mine!”

Zoe frowned and looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “I called dibs last night!”

“You...” Joey shook his head. He didn’t feel like arguing with her. He knew he’d never win, not when so-called dibs were involved.

It was shaping up to be a cookie kind of morning. He grabbed one out of the jar and took a bite.

“That’s your breakfast?” Zoe laughed.

Joey shrugged. “It has dairy, protein, fiber... What more can you ask for?”

“We really need to go the store,” Zoe sighed. “Mom and Dad will be home tomorrow.”

“I’ll go this afternoon,” Joey promised. He opened his laptop and sat down at the counter. 

“I’d go, but Nicole will be here any minute. We’re going to spend the day at the pool. Nicole’s in love with the new lifeguard and wants me to help her stalk him.”

Joey nodded along and pretended to listen while Zoe continued to detail her plans for the day.

He let out a startled laugh when he checked Facebook. He had a message. A message from someone who wasn’t related to him. He did a double take at that. His grandparents were the only ones who ever sent him messages on Facebook. They thought they were being cool, that they were showing their grandchildren that they were cool. Joey thought it was kind of adorable.

“Evan Hansen?” Joey glanced around uncertainly. “Do you know an Evan Hansen?”

Zoe shrugged. “No... So, anyway, Jenny keeps saying that-”

“It says he goes to school with us,” Joey cut in. 

He opened the message and let out an amused huff. Word vomit. So much word vomit. It took him a second to get what the guy was trying to say. 

“He’s answering our ad,” Joey said.

“What ad?” Zoe frowned.

“About the producing gig,” Joey reminded her. 

“I thought we decided to go with Kelsey.”

Joey wrinkled his nose. “You decided to go with Kelsey.”

Zoe bent down to look over his shoulder. “Open his page. Let me see what he looks like.”

Joey quickly obliged. There was hardly anything there. Evan’s profile picture was of a tree. There weren’t any other pictures on there. He hadn’t posted anything in years. Joey looked at Zoe and shrugged.

“Ignore him,” Zoe suggested. “He’s probably a catfishing pedophile.”

Connor put his bowl in the sink and came over to see. “He isn’t a catfishing pedophile. He’s in your grade.”

Joey raised his eyebrows. “You know him?”

Connor shook his head. “I know the name.”

Joey exchanged a look with Zoe. He could tell she wasn’t convinced, but Joey’s curiosity was piqued. Mentally Checked-in Connor was his favorite kind of Connor.

“What do you know about him?” Joey asked.

He could feel the enthusiasm bubbling up inside of him. He’d never heard Connor acknowledge another student at their school. He didn’t think Connor knew any of their names. If he was being perfectly honest, he kind of agreed with Zoe whenever she said that there was at least a fifty percent chance that Connor didn’t even know his siblings’ names.

Connor’s face went blank. “Are you deaf? I said I know the name. I don’t know him.”

Zoe tilted her head suspiciously. “Oh, God. What did you do to him?”

“Nothing,” Connor snapped. “What part of ‘I know the name’ is tripping you up?”

“You did something, didn’t you? You-”

“You think I know the names of my victims?”

Joey snorted and let out a startled laugh. He dropped his gaze when Zoe turned to glare at him.

“What?” Joey said defensively. “That was funny.”

“You think it’s funny that our brother has-” Zoe’s mouth formed a thin line when she saw Joey’s expression. “Fine. Forget it.”

Joey turned back to his computer and began to type.

“You’re writing back to him?” Zoe hissed. 

Joey looked up at Connor. “You’re sure he isn’t a catfishing pedophile?”

Connor nodded slowly.

Joey nodded too. He trusted Connor enough to believe that his brother wouldn’t knowingly throw him in the path of a catfishing pedophile.

“Then, yeah,” Joey said. “I’m writing back to him.”

“What about Kelsey?” Zoe asked quietly.

“She’s still in the running. I just think we should hear this guy out.” 

He held her gaze until she sighed and looked away.

“Okay, fine,” Zoe relented. She narrowed her eyes when saw that Connor was rolling his. “What?”

Connor raised his eyebrows at Joey. “You’re thinking about letting Kelsey produce your videos?”

Joey blinked uncertainly. “Uh, yeah. She knows-”

“Kelsey?” Connor let out a barking laugh. “You’ll go crazy if you have to deal with her all the time.”

Joey couldn’t argue with that. He loved Kelsey. He would even say that he liked her. He knew that Connor had a point though. A very valid point. He wasn’t about to admit that in front of Zoe, but he knew it was true. “She’s our cousin. She-”

“Anyone’s better than Kelsey,” Connor cut in sharply. 

Something about the way Connor looked at Zoe struck a chord with Joey. It was almost like Connor suspected the same thing Joey did, that Kelsey would be on Zoe’s side, that it would always be the girls versus the boy whenever they had a disagreement.

Joey caught Zoe’s eye again and grinned. This wasn’t just Mentally Checked-in Connor. They were also dealing with Weirdly Perceptive Connor. 

This was shaping up to be a really awesome day.

“Be nice,” Zoe muttered. “Kelsey’s...”

Zoe lost her train of thought when her phone went off. She checked it and squeezed her eyes shut. “Nicole’s running late. She had to drop her brother off at camp.”

Zoe leaned against the counter as she rapidly tapped out text after text. “What’re you doing tonight?”

Joey automatically glanced at Connor. He didn’t know why. It was obvious who that question was aimed at. “I don’t know. Why?”

“A bunch of us are meeting at Louie’s later. You want to come?”

“Sure,” Joey shrugged. He bristled when Zoe saw him watching Connor. He decided to ignore the fact that she was mouthing the word ‘don’t.’ 

“Do you want to come with us?” Joey asked conversationally.

He bit his lip and looked down when Connor very quickly moved away from them. He tried to swallow his disappointment. It wasn’t like he’d expected Connor to accept his invitation. 

It was just, well, he felt bad sometimes. There were times when he felt like they really should try harder to include Connor. There were times when he felt like Zoe was the only reason he had friends.

He knew that wasn’t totally true. He knew people liked him. He didn’t think there was anyone who actively disliked him. He never had trouble finding a seat at lunch. He never had to panic when his teachers told them to divide into groups. He could always find someone to partner with.

He wasn’t like Zoe though. He didn’t have a Nicole. Zoe was the closest thing he had to a best friend. Not that he would admit that out loud. He knew that had stopped being an acceptable answer to the ‘who is your best friend’ question after they finished elementary school.

He knew his social status was significantly higher than Connor’s. He knew Connor wasn’t even on the map.

He decided to try again. He sucked in a breath and made himself look up at his brother. “Do you have plans for the day?”

He blinked when he saw that Connor was already on his way out the door, off to parts unknown. 

He felt his jaw set when he saw the way Zoe was shaking her head at him.

“What did you expect?” Zoe laughed.

Joey shrugged and reached for another cookie.

 

Evan Hansen was Awkward Guy.

Joey felt like slapping his forehead when he realized that.

He knew who Awkward Guy was. Sort of. He recognized him at least. He knew all about the incidents that had led his friends to dub Evan Awkward Guy.

He hadn’t known that Awkward Guy’s name was Evan Hansen until he opened the door and saw who was there. He didn’t think he had anyway. Part of him felt like he may have known that at some point in his life.

It didn’t take Joey long to realize that Evan’s word vomit was not limited to Facebook messages. He tapped his fingers on his desk as he tried to follow what Evan was saying.

It was hard. He was pretty sure there was an answer in there somewhere, but he wasn’t sure what it was. He wasn’t even sure if it was to the question that he had asked.

“Okay,” Joey laughed shakily. He put up a hand to stop Evan. He instantly regretted that when he saw the way it made Evan’s face fall. “So, uh, you obviously know what you’re talking about.”

“I do?” Evan whispered.

He looked so surprised that Joey couldn’t help smiling at him.

“Are you kidding? Dude, if I understood even half the terms you just used, Zoe and I wouldn’t need to find someone else to edit our videos.”

Evan stared at his hands as they twisted around in his lap. “Oh, uh, thanks? I, uh... I can show you what I meant about the, um, the lighting thing if you want.”

Joey’s ears perked up at that. That had been one of the few things he’d almost understood. “You called it the Lumos effect?”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. He absentmindedly tugged at the bottom of his shirt. “That’s not what it’s officially called. It’s actually called... I forget what it’s actually called. I call it the Lumos effect because it kind of looks like the Lumos spell.”

“Lumos spell? Like from Harry Potter?” Joey asked.

Evan’s head shot up. “Y-yeah.”

“You like Harry Potter?” Joey grinned. His grin wavered when he saw how Evan was watching him, like he was waiting for a trap, like he was waiting for Joey to make fun of him.

Joey jumped up and grabbed a picture off his wall. “Check this out. My family went to Florida for spring break this year. We spent a day at Universal.”

Joey knelt down next to Evan so he could explain. “We spent almost the whole day in the Harry Potter section. I’ve been a mega-fan since I was a kid. Zoe likes it too. Not as much as I do, but she didn’t mind spending the day there. And, don’t repeat this because there’s a chance he may kill you, but Connor actually likes Harry Potter as much as I do. Maybe even more.” 

Joey jabbed his finger at the photo. “Those are my parents in the back. That’s my brother, Connor, and there’s Zoe... But, then, you already knew that, didn’t you?”

Evan inhaled so quickly that he started choking on his spit. “What?”

Joey frowned as Evan beat his chest. “Because of the videos. You’ve seen them, haven’t you?”

Evan closed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah... I’ve, uh, I’ve seen them.”

“Good,” Joey chuckled. “Because I don’t know if I’d say it’s a prerequisite for the job, but it’d be kind of weird if you hadn’t.”

“They’re good,” Evan said quickly. “Really good. You guys are, like, uh, really talented.”

“Thanks,” Joey beamed. He tapped his chin as he studied Evan. 

He knew he shouldn’t do this. He knew Zoe would fuss, that she’d very rightfully shout at him for making a decision like this without her.

He was going with his gut on this one though and his gut was telling him that he was looking at their new producer.

“So,” Joey said slowly. “About the job.”

Evan stared at him like he was a deer caught in the headlights. “Yeah?”

Joey grinned and leaned back on his heels. “When can you start?”


	2. Junior Year - May

**Junior Year – May**

Zoe walked by his room three times before she finally decided to suck it up and knock on the doorframe. 

He didn’t look up. She stood there for over a minute and he didn’t look up at all. Zoe rolled her eyes and turned to go. This was a terrible idea. She didn’t know what her mother was thinking. She didn’t know why anyone in their right mind thought that it was a good idea for her to apologize to Connor.

She didn’t understand why anyone in their right mind thought that she needed to apologize to Connor.

She wasn’t going to apologize. She wasn’t. She didn’t have anything to apologize for.

Connor had been horrible to her for as long as she could remember. He’d been distant and cruel. He was the reason she never let her friends spend the night. He was the reason she was always locking herself in her room.

She bit her lip and turned around again. There was a part of her that felt bad though. She knew she shouldn’t have said those things. She definitely shouldn’t have said them in front of an audience.

He shouldn’t have shown up at Joey’s funeral like that – she would argue that to the grave, but that didn’t make what she did okay. She shouldn’t have admitted that she would let Connor die if it meant she could have Joey back.

She went back to his room and tried again. She stepped inside when he still didn’t look up.

He had his earbuds in. She blinked when she realized that.

He hadn’t heard her. That was all this was. He wasn’t ignoring her. He wasn’t purposely shutting her out. He hadn’t even realized she was there. 

Maybe their mother was right. Maybe he really did want their help. Maybe he really was trying to get better.

He’d left his door open after all. He was obeying that rule. He wasn’t locking himself in his room for hours to do whatever it was he did. 

So, maybe he was getting better. Maybe he was becoming someone she would never be afraid of, someone she wouldn’t be ashamed to call her brother.

That was such Joey logic that it made her want to cry.

Zoe had always thought that she was the only person in her family who saw Connor for what he really was.

She wasn’t like her parents. She didn’t think that Connor was just acting out, testing his limits, doing questionable things that he would eventually outgrow. 

She wasn’t like her mother. She didn’t think that Connor needed to be coddled. She didn’t think yoga and meditation would do the trick. She didn’t think that Connor himself was in the best position to know what he did and did not need.

She wasn’t like her father. She didn’t think Connor just needed to be disciplined and watched and guided. She didn’t think Connor was being overly dramatic when he told his family how he was feeling. She didn’t think it was something that could be ignored and written off as being in Connor’s head.

And she definitely wasn’t like Joey. Not in this sense at least. She’d agreed with Joey on many things, but Connor had never been one of them.

Joey had been Connor’s biggest cheerleader. He’d been everyone’s biggest cheerleader, but it was especially noticeable with Connor because he was the only one on that squad. 

Joey had been an eternal optimist. Zoe liked to think of herself as a realist, but Joey would’ve disagreed. He would’ve said she was as pessimistic as he was optimistic, especially when it came to Connor.

Joey had wanted to help Connor. Zoe knew that. She knew that had been one of Joey’s biggest goals. She knew that there had always been a part of Joey that looked up to their brother. That part had never disappeared, no matter what Connor chose to do. 

Joey was the reason she was in Connor’s room. He was the only reason she was even considering apologizing to Connor, the only reason she was even considering extending an olive branch. 

She crossed the room and plopped down on the edge of Connor’s bed. A daring move, she knew, but she wasn’t in the mood for games. She stared at him until he jumped and pulled his earbuds out.

“The fuck?” Connor murmured as he pulled himself up. “What’re you doing in here?”

Zoe didn’t look away. Her face felt stony as she stared at him. She absentmindedly reached up to tuck her hair behind her ears. 

“I think I owe you an apology.”

Connor narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “For what?”

Zoe breathed in sharply and dropped her gaze. She watched her hands as they twisted around in her lap. “For what I said at Joey’s funeral. I-”

She stopped speaking when Connor started to laugh. She glared up at him. “It’s not funny!”

“You’re telling me you didn’t mean that? That you wouldn’t trade me for Joey if you had the chance?”

Zoe looked at him in surprise. She didn’t know what was more surprising – the fact that he remembered what she’d said or the fact that he was self-aware enough to know that she’d been telling the truth.

“I didn’t say I didn’t mean it,” Zoe said quietly. “I said I’m sorry that I said it.”

Connor tapped his chin as he studied her. “You’re just sorry you got caught.”

Zoe closed her eyes and turned away. She was sorry she got caught. She was sorry that that moment had gone viral, that it had become a soundbite she’d heard more times than she could count.

People were being nice about it. Startlingly nice. They were being understanding. They understood that she was grieving, that she’d suffered a terrible, horrible loss. 

That didn’t make it right though. She knew that. She had known that even before her mother told her how Connor was doing.

“I don’t want you to die,” Zoe whispered. “It’s not that I want you to die or...” 

She bit her lip and stared blankly at his desk. “I’m glad you’re getting help. I’m glad you’re trying to get better.”

“It’s not like I had a choice,” Connor shrugged.

Zoe bristled at that. She knew that was technically true. She knew that Connor hadn’t chosen to get help. She knew it had been decided for him. 

She wondered if any of this even mattered to him, if he even cared that he was still alive.

There was a part of her that thought this was horribly unfair. Connor was getting help. Connor was going to be okay. Connor, who hadn’t even wanted to keep living, had the chance to live a long and happy life.

And Joey was dead. 

She tried not to focus on that. Life wasn’t fair after all. 

She tried to focus on the positive. That’s what Joey would have told her to do.

She tried not to think about what it meant to have Connor back. 

Part of her was glad he was home. It would give their mother something to focus on, something other than Joey. It would make her parents forget about her again. It would allow her to deal with her grief on her own terms.

Whatever terms those may be.

She was having a hard time. She knew that, she understood that. She didn’t know what to do about it.

She couldn’t talk to her mother. Her mother spent more time crying than she did.

She couldn’t talk to her father. He tried to listen, but listening wasn’t one of his strengths. Some of his advice was useful though. Writing helped. Focusing on her music helped. Reminiscing about Joey was somehow painful and helpful. 

She couldn’t talk to her friends. Or, rather, she could, but she didn’t want to put them through that. They didn’t know what to say. They meant well, but she knew they couldn’t even begin to wrap their minds around how hard this was for her. 

She was pushing people away. It had been unintentional at first, but that was changing. She knew she wasn’t fun to be around these days. She knew her friends felt like they were walking on eggshells around her, that they were constantly worrying about saying something that would make her cry.

She’d pushed Evan away. She’d pushed away the one person who could almost understand how she felt.

Part of her felt bad about that, the other part was still mad at him. Mad that he’d sided with his mother, mad that he didn’t get how wrong it was for the investigation into Joey’s death to focus on her family.

She knew she could’ve handled it better though. She could’ve handled it without being petty and putting Evan on the spot the way she had.

She half-expected Joey to find a way to come back and haunt her for the way she’d treated Evan. 

She couldn’t talk to Connor. She couldn’t imagine how to start that conversation. She wasn’t even sure if Connor cared that Joey was dead.

She looked at Connor out of the corner of her eye. “Does it even matter to you that Joey’s gone?”

Connor narrowed his eyes as he idly twisted his earbuds around his finger. “Of course, it does.”

Zoe’s spine went rigid as she turned to face him. “Does it really?”

Connor stared at his hands. “He was my brother.”

Zoe nodded slightly. Her head flew up as she remembered the other thing their mother had told her.

“Mom said you’re going back to school next year?”

“Yeah,” Connor mumbled.

Zoe blinked at the desk. “So, we’ll be in the same grade then?”

“Don’t worry,” Connor snapped. “I won’t try to sit next to you in class.”

Zoe glanced at him quickly. “That’s not...”

She sighed and fidgeted with his bedspread. “Why are you going back?”

“What do you mean?” Connor asked shortly.

“It’s just... You don’t care about school. You’ve never cared about school.”

“I used to care.”

Zoe’s eyes widened as she looked at him again. He’d said that so quickly that she could tell it had come out involuntarily.

She nodded to herself. He had cared. Before high school, he had cared about school.

“You want to get your diploma?” Zoe guessed.

“May as well,” Connor shrugged.

Zoe blinked as a thought popped into her head. She willed herself not to cry. 

If Connor graduated, his name would be called right before hers. She’d always known that she would have to follow her brother across the stage. It just wasn’t going to be the brother she’d been expecting to follow.

She cleared her throat and slid off the bed. “I’m going to go help Mom finish dinner.”

She crossed the room without looking back. She paused with one hand on the door and glanced over her shoulder. Connor was staring at his hands as he detangled his earbuds.

She nodded at the door. “Do you want me to leave this open or closed?”

Connor didn’t bother looking up as he muttered, “Open is fine.”


	3. Senior Year - November

**Senior Year – November (takes place during chapter 16 of _Hansen Investigations_ )**

Google wasn’t going to help him this time. Connor knew that. He knew there was nothing he could type in the search bar that would help him with his current problem.

He highly doubted that there was an article out there about how to talk to your friend’s mother who hated your guts because she suspected that you had killed your brother.

If there was, then surely someone would have tracked down the author and made a movie about his life by now.

Connor kept his eyes glued to his phone anyway because he didn’t know where else to look. He’d made the mistake of wandering around the office when he first walked in. Heidi had narrowed her eyes and asked him what he was looking for. She’d stared at him like she thought he was there to steal.

Steal what he didn’t know. Information? Pens? Papers with fish doodles on them?

He stared at his phone and clenched his teeth when another text popped up. Evan wasn’t coming. He hadn’t come out and said that, but Connor was definitely getting that impression.

Evan was helping Zoe and a couple other people get revenge on a group of jocks. A noble thing to do, sure, but the timing couldn’t have been worse. 

Connor quickly put his phone away when he saw Heidi stand up and look at him. 

“I guess we should strategize,” she said.

Connor nodded eagerly. He willed himself to look bright and helpful and not at all like a hardened criminal.

He couldn’t believe how much he cared about what she thought. He hadn’t cared nearly this much when she’d been investigating his family. 

Of course, those months were kind of a blur. Most of his memories from that time were hazy at best, imaginary at worst. 

He’d spiraled. He’d let himself spiral. He hadn’t cared about anything. It was by far the worst he’d ever been.

It was no wonder Evan’s mom didn’t trust him. It was no wonder she was looking at him like he was a suspect. In her mind, he was a suspect.

Even Dr. Miller couldn’t argue that. His therapist was always telling him that the majority of the negativity he perceived was in his head.

Or something like that. Dr. Miller always stopped short of saying that Connor was imagining things.

Connor knew he wasn’t being paranoid this time, which really sucked because he wanted Heidi to like him. 

Or, at the very least, to not think he was a killer.

He wasn’t sure why her opinion mattered to him. Maybe because she was Evan’s mother and she could use that to keep the only friend he had away from him. Maybe because he wanted the job. He wanted to work for her. He liked the idea of doing something that sounded exciting and challenging and distracting.

He needed distractions. He needed goals. He knew Dr. Miller was right about that. 

 

They didn’t have time to strategize. Hayley and Lena arrived before they had a chance to discuss how they were going to do this.

Connor couldn’t help wondering if it was normal for strippers to show up to appointments early.

He wondered about that until he started paying attention to Hayley’s body language. She was nervous, which made sense, but also kind of excited.

There was obviously a part of her that wanted to reconnect with her family

Connor supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. She wouldn’t have shown up if she truly wanted nothing to do with them.

Lena was playing the role of devil’s advocate. She kept asking Heidi questions about Hayley’s parents, about their intentions, about how much Heidi would collect if she convinced Hayley to go home.

Heidi kept her cool. She didn’t seem surprised by Lena’s interrogation. It didn’t seem to bother her at all. That wasn’t a surprise either. She’d been the sheriff after all. She knew how to handle herself in situations like this.

Lena turned to face Connor when she realized she wasn’t going to break Heidi. Or maybe she’d run out of questions. Or she just wanted Connor’s opinion. He wasn’t sure which.

“What do you think?” Lena demanded. She leaned back in her chair and studied Connor with an intensity that was more than a little unnerving.

“About her parents?” Connor frowned. “I haven’t met them.”

“Do you think she should call them?”

Connor glanced at Heidi quickly. This was it. His chance to prove that he could be an asset to her business. His chance to prove that he wasn’t the burnout she’d met the year before.

“I think she’s lucky to have parents who care enough to do this,” Connor said carefully. 

“Sure, they care now,” Lena scoffed. “But what will they do when she goes home? Are they going to punish her for everything she’s done the last few months? Are they going to keep denying the fact that she likes girls?” 

She fixed Heidi with a steely glare. “Do they still think she can be ‘cured’ if she-”

“My parents never thought that,” Hayley said quietly. “That was my aunt Fiona.”

Lena’s mouth formed a thin line as she digested that. “Still. Her family hasn’t been supportive. At all. I would’ve run away years ago if I’d been in her shoes.”

“Her parents are willing to go to family counseling,” Heidi said. “They’re willing to help her find an apartment if she doesn’t want to live with them.”

Connor glanced at Hayley curiously. “What made you leave?”

Lena looked at him sharply. “Haven’t you been paying attention?”

Connor met her stare with one of his own. “I’m just wondering, what was the final straw? What happened the day she finally decided to leave?”

“Aunt Fiona saw me with Bridget,” Hayley whispered. “She saw us holding hands and... She confronted me in the middle of the street. She kept screaming that I was a disgrace and that my parents would be so humiliated when she told them what she’d seen and...”

Hayley shrugged. “My mom was on the phone with Fiona when I got home. Her face was white and she-she kept blinking at me like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. And... I don’t know. I snapped. I yelled at her and asked why she was looking at me like that. I asked her how she hadn’t known I was gay. I was sure she’d known. I thought it was just a thing, a thing we never talked about.

“She didn’t say anything. She just stared at me and then my dad came home and he asked what was wrong and Mom started crying.” Hayley paused and closed her eyes. “So, I went to my room and packed a bag and climbed out the window. And that’s it. I got on the first bus I found and kept going until I decided to stop.”

Lena narrowed her eyes. “And you expect her to go back to that? Screw them. She’s better off without her family.”

“She’s better off dancing in a cage?” Connor retorted. He could feel the color draining from his face when he realized what he’d said. He couldn’t look at the girls. He glanced at Heidi out of the corner of his eye and saw that she was rubbing her forehead exasperatedly. 

The silence was terrifying. 

Connor finally looked up to see if the girls were making a run for it. 

Lena shook her head and glared at him again. “She’s better off living a life where she gets to choose what to do with her body. She’s better off living a life where she gets to choose, period.”

Connor nodded slightly. “No, I know. I get that. I get the desire to run. I’ve thought about it more times than I can count.”

Hayley’s face froze as she studied him. “You have?”

“My parents don’t get me,” Connor said. “At all. They try sometimes, but...”

He stared at his hands when Heidi turned to study him too.

“They’re not like your parents,” Connor continued quickly. “They want me to change, but not in that sense. They don’t care that I...”

He stopped speaking because it didn’t feel right to say he was gay. He was almost certain that he wasn’t straight, but he didn’t know if he’d call himself gay. He had told his parents that because it was simpler, because it got them off his back. 

It didn’t feel right to compare his experience to Hayley’s at all.

“I used to think my parents would be happy if I disappeared,” Connor admitted. “I thought it would make their lives easier. They wouldn’t have to put up with me and all my shit.”

“You don’t think that anymore?” Hayley wondered.

“Not really,” Connor shrugged. “My brother died last year and...” He looked away when he caught Heidi watching him. “I saw how hard it was for them to lose a child. I know it would be different if it had been me, but still.”

He looked Hayley in the eye. “If you want my opinion, I think you should talk to them, give them a chance to fix things. They obviously don’t want to lose you.”

He smirked as he looked at Lena. “Take Lena with you if you meet up with them. She’ll put them in their place if it comes to that.”

Lena grinned. “Yeah, I will.”

Hayley nodded slowly. “Okay. I, um...”

She glanced at Heidi anxiously. “Can I use your phone? I, uh, I don’t want them to have my new number. Not yet anyway.”

Heidi smiled and stood up. “We can call them from my office.”

Connor pulled out his phone as soon as the door clicked shut behind them. He rolled his eyes when he saw there was a text from Evan saying that he wasn’t sure what time he’d get there, but he’d be there as soon as he could. Connor didn’t bother responding. It would serve Evan right if he showed up and found that everyone was gone.

Lena was sitting next to him when he looked up again. He raised an eyebrow at her.

“So,” Lena purred. “You’re sure I’m not your type?”

Connor wrinkled his nose. “Positive.”

“Hmm,” Lena murmured. “Pity... I could use a new gay bestie though. My old one just moved to New York.”

Connor couldn’t help doing a double take. He tried to follow her logic. He tried to guess when he’d given her the impression that he was looking to make friends.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Lena asked eagerly. “Because I know the cutest guy I could set you up with. He’s really-”

She frowned when she saw the way he was gawking at her. “What?”

“I’ll pass,” Connor said quickly. 

The thought of being set up with a stranger, with some random guy a stripper thought was cute, made him feel so uneasy that he felt like the room was shaking.

“You’re no fun,” Lena pouted. She glanced at him curiously. “What do you do for fun then?”

Connor didn’t know how to answer that. The only things that popped into his head were either things he no longer did or things that sounded so lame he didn’t dare say them out loud.

“That wasn’t meant to be a stumper,” Lena laughed. She tilted her head. “So, where’s that other guy? The detective’s son?”

“He couldn’t make it.”

Lena nodded and squinted at him. “Are you guys...”

Connor didn’t like the way she was studying him. “What?”

“You know,” Lena grinned. “Is he your type?”

Connor was glad he hadn’t been drinking something when she asked that because he was sure he would’ve spewed it all over the place. “What?”

“Is he the reason you don’t want me to set you up with Garrett?”

Connor shook his head quickly. “Evan’s a friend. He used to go out with my sister.”

Lena nodded knowingly. Connor didn’t like her expression. She was looking at him like she’d just solved a particularly tricky mystery.

Connor narrowed his eyes. “What?”

Lena shrugged. “You like him, don’t you?”

Connor blinked at her. He blinked and turned to glare at the wall. He didn’t know what to say. 

He wanted to say that she was being ridiculous. That Evan was just a friend. His only friend. The only real friend he’d ever had.

But that sounded weird. He knew that. It sounded weird and intense and...

It made sense for him to be kind of strangely attached to Evan, didn’t it? Given everything, everything with Joey, everything with his past, it made sense for him to like having an actual friend.

Lena wasn’t smirking when he looked at her again. She was looking at him like she’d just done him a huge favor. It made his stomach turn.

“Evan’s my friend,” Connor said weakly. “That’s all.”

“If you say so,” Lena smiled. 

Lena jumped up when the door to Heidi’s office opened again. She looked Hayley up and down and nodded in satisfaction. “You ready?”

Hayley smiled and nodded. She turned to shake Heidi’s hand. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” Heidi beamed. She walked the girls to the door.

Lena looked over her shoulder to wave at Connor. “I’ll be in touch!”

Connor closed his eyes and decided not to think of that as a threat.

He grabbed his bag and stood up to go. He froze when he realized that Heidi was standing in his way.

“Do you still want the job?” Heidi asked.

“Do I...” Connor started. He blinked as he tried to wrap his mind around her question. “Yeah.”

“Why?”

Connor tried not to panic. Apparently, they’d slid right into the interview portion of the afternoon.

He stared at his feet and took a breath. He’d rehearsed this in his head several times. He’d planned out answers about how it would be good for him to have some kind of work experience, about how he liked solving puzzles, about how Joey’s death had left him with the need to help other people find closure.

He’d been planning to use that one only as a last resort if he felt like he was bombing the interview.

He was already bombing the interview. He knew that when he looked up again. He was taking too long to answer her.

She was watching him patiently. She didn’t look annoyed or disappointed or anything that suggested she thought he was bombing this.

“It’s okay,” Heidi said softly. “I’m just curious why you’re interested in this job in particular.”

“I like working with Evan,” he blurted out. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to resist the urge to cringe.

He blamed Lena. This was her fault. Somehow. He wasn’t sure how.

“I mean, I liked working with him the other night. It was fun. It-”

“It won’t always be fun,” Heidi interrupted.

“I know,” Connor said swiftly. “I’m not looking for something that’s always fun. I’m...”

He sighed and fidgeted with his hands. He decided to lay all his cards on the table. He was starting to feel like that was the only way she was going to trust him.

“I was a mess when you met me last year.” He forced himself to glance at her quickly. “After Joey died, I... Even before he died, I had a lot of... a lot of problems. I know you know that.”

Heidi nodded slightly.

“Did you go to Joey’s funeral?”

Heidi nodded again.

Connor bit his lip. Of course, she had.

“That was when I hit rock bottom. Everything you saw then, at the funeral, during the interviews, that was me at my worst.”

“Okay,” Heidi said.

Connor nodded to himself. “I don’t blame you for not trusting me.”

He caught her eye and looked away. She didn’t deny it.

“I’m doing a lot better than I was though. I’m clean and I’m in therapy and...” His voice trailed off uncertainly. “Dr. Miller’s always after me to do more, to engage with people and be active and I feel like this would be good for me. And I think I’d be good at it. I think I can help you. I can help Evan at least. I can talk to people when he forgets how.”

Heidi didn’t say anything for a moment. She stared at him like she was deep in thought. Connor didn’t look down. He kept his eyes on the wall above her head.

“Okay,” Heidi finally nodded. “I think you may have a point there. You did a good job today.”

“Thanks,” Connor muttered.

“You were better than Evan would’ve been,” Heidi laughed. “Don’t tell him I said that. He’s better at this than he used to be, but he still tends to get tongue-tied when he gets overwhelmed.”

“I’ve noticed,” Connor mumbled. He looked up cautiously. Insulting Evan probably was not the best idea, not if he was hoping to get the job. Heidi didn’t seem to mind though. She was still smiling at least.

Heidi pulled out phone and began composing a text. “Do you know what he’s up to this afternoon? He said something about a group of jocks and...” 

She shrugged and hit send.

“Not really,” Connor admitted. He checked his phone too. He told Evan not to bother coming to the office, that Hayley and Lena were gone.

“I think he’s helping with a revenge scheme of some kind,” Connor continued. “Zoe’s with him and Jared, I think, and... I don’t know.”

He really didn’t know. He hated that he didn’t know. He hated that he’d been left out, that Evan had chosen that instead of this, that Evan had let him come here by himself. He wondered if it would be weird if he told Evan he was giving him abandonment issues. He had a feeling it probably would.

Heidi shook her head. “I’m sorry I asked. I have a feeling this might be one of those things I’d rather not know about.”

Connor looked at his phone again when he saw a text pop up. It was from Zoe. She warned him that their mother was planning to make chilled kale soup for dinner.

“Is something wrong?” Heidi asked.

Connor hadn’t realized his face had scrunched up until she asked. “No, not really. That was just Zoe. Our mom is on this diet and...”

His voice trailed off when he saw that she was nodding knowingly.

Joey. She would’ve heard all about their mother’s diets from Joey.

“What is it this time?” Heidi grinned.

“A juice cleanse,” Connor shuddered. He looked away when she clucked sympathetically. “It’s okay. Zoe and I keep food in our rooms for this very reason.”

Heidi tapped her fingers on the desk as she watched him. “I won’t be able to pay you very much.”

Connor’s eyes widened as he tried not to react. He didn’t want to seem too excited or smug or anything that would make her change her mind.

“That’s okay,” he assured her. “Money’s not...”

He could feel his face heating up. What had he just told himself about seeming smug?

“I mean, I’ll work for anything,” he said quickly. 

Heidi nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Connor blinked. “Okay as in I’m hired?”

“Okay as in you’re hired,” Heidi confirmed. She smiled slightly. “Truth be told, though, Evan would’ve had my head if I said no.”

Connor tried not to think about how that made his stomach flip.

Heidi grabbed her purse off the desk and nodded at the door. “Would you like to come over for dinner?”

Connor was caught so off-guard that he didn’t know what to say.

“Zoe can come too,” Heidi quickly added. “The twins used to eat at our house whenever they couldn’t stomach your mother’s food.”

Zoe had left him out too. Not only had she left him out, but it sounded like she had been the brains behind the operation. After Jared, that was. He’d heard enough to know that Jared had been the one who initially came up with the plan.

Zoe would have called him though. He knew that. She wouldn’t have a year ago, but she would now. He felt like he should give her the option of eating at Evan’s house.

Connor reached for his phone. “I’ll let her know.”


	4. Junior Year - December

**Junior Year – December**

This was like the worst game of Choose Your Own Adventure ever. 

To his left, there was his great-aunt Esther, the woman who smelled like moth balls and gave hugs that lasted way too long and always tried to set him up with her friend’s niece.

To his right, there were the Hansens.

Jared froze when he saw his options. He glanced over his shoulder and debated if he could make a run for it. He could mumble that he’d forgotten something in his room and run back up the stairs. He could stay there for the rest of the party or until his mother asked Henry to make him come down. Whichever came first.

He turned to go. He turned to go until he saw that Esther was smiling and reaching for him as she stumbled down the hall. 

His eyes bulged. He turned on his heel and practically flew towards the Hansens.

He blinked when he reached them. He didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t gotten that far in his thinking.

“Happy Hanukkah!” Jared blurted out. 

He kept his eyes focused on Heidi. He refused to look at Evan. Evan didn’t deserve to be looked at. He didn’t deserve anything.

The nerve of him, really. How dare he show up at Jared’s house like this. Like he was welcome there, like he’d been invited.

He had been invited. Jared twitched when he realized that. Evan had been invited to the party. 

Jared allowed himself to glance at Evan quickly.

How dare he look calm, like he wasn’t uncomfortable or ashamed to be there. Like he hadn’t been acting like an asshole and avoiding Jared for months.

Jared was tempted to say something, to put Evan in his place in front of his mother. 

He didn’t though. He decided to take the high road. 

Not because he was too nervous to say something. Because he was vastly morally superior to Evan.

Jared felt himself puff up when he came to that conclusion.

He was definitely better than Evan in every way imaginable.

“Happy Hanukkah,” Heidi echoed. Her smile wavered when she saw that Evan was already checking his phone. 

“Joey will be here in a half an hour,” Evan whispered.

Jared’s ears perked up at that. Joey was coming here? To his party?

This was his chance. If he could get Joey alone, he could expose Evan as the poser he really was. He could make this work. He could win Joey over. He could steal Evan’s friends.

Okay, maybe not steal. He was morally superior to Evan after all. He would be the bigger person. He would let Evan keep his friends. Some of them anyway. 

He just had to get Joey alone. That wouldn’t be that hard, would it? He could sic Esther on Evan. That would keep Evan busy for at least fifteen minutes, even more if Jared told her that Evan was a cat person.

Heidi glanced at Jared before leaning over to whisper to Evan. “Do you still have an extra ticket?”

Evan’s eyes widened in a way that made Jared frown. His forehead furrowed as he looked at the two of them.

“Zoe was going to call their cousin,” Evan said quickly. “So, I don’t think-”

“But they’re selling them at the door, right? And the seats aren’t assigned? You said-”

Jared dropped his gaze as he started to grasp what was happening.

Evan and his friends were going to a concert or a show of some kind. His mother was trying to get him to take Jared with them.

Jared breathed in shakily.

Oh hell no. This wasn’t happening to him. He was not going to be on the receiving end of a pity invite. Of a pathetic, parental, pity invite.

How dare Evan show up at his house like this, just to put in a brief appearance at the party. Like he was so special that everyone would’ve been crushed if he hadn’t come at all.

Jared was about to say that he had very important plans for the rest of the night when he saw the way Evan was shifting around.

Evan didn’t want him to go.

That wasn’t a surprise, but...

How dare Evan not want him to go. How dare he act like Jared was an embarrassment. 

Evan was the embarrassment. Jared had been putting up with him for years. 

Jared still wasn’t entirely sure how things had changed. How had Evan - _Evan_ \- suddenly become popular? How did he have friends? Actual friends. People who could actually stand to be around him.

It wasn’t like Jared needed him. Jared bristled as he told himself that, as he assured himself that that was not the case. Not even a little bit.

Jared had friends. He had his camp friends and...

People liked him at the movie theater. Felix was always saying that Jared was his number one guy. 

Of course, he usually said that when Jared agreed to cover for him so he could slip out early, but still.

People liked him. 

He had a regular lunch table. He’d been sitting with the same guys forever.

Of course, he wasn’t entirely sure they knew who he was. They didn’t talk much. They spent most of their lunch periods staring at their phones or frantically finishing their homework. He didn’t even know all of their names. He didn’t even know half their names.

But still. They let him sit there. No one told him to get lost or acted like he was too embarrassing to sit with.

“This is his family’s party,” Evan reminded his mother. “Jared can’t leave it.”

“I’ll talk to Eileen,” Heidi said brightly. “I’m sure she won’t mind if I tell her where he’s going.”

Jared couldn’t stop himself from smirking when he saw how panicked Evan looked.

Served him right. 

Jared nodded like he had every intention of going with Evan. He couldn’t go though. He knew that, even if Heidi talked to his mother. He knew his mother would be caught off-guard and agree to let him go, but she’d yell at him when he came home. She’d scold him for even thinking about leaving their Hanukkah party early.

He couldn’t resist the opportunity to mess with Evan a bit though.

“What kind of show is it?” Jared asked curiously.

Evan stared at his mother like he couldn’t believe what she’d gotten him into.

“I doubt you’d like it,” Evan muttered. “It’s a jazz concert. One of Zoe’s friends is-”

“I love jazz!” Jared cut in excitedly.

He did not love jazz. He wasn’t even sure if he knew what jazz sounded like. That was hardly the point though.

“Well, there you go,” Heidi laughed. 

Jared beamed until he saw his mother approaching them. He bit his lip and looked away. Time to drop the act. 

“I guess I should stay though,” Jared sighed. He hung his head sadly. “My family has a whole thing we do when everyone leaves, so I really shouldn’t miss that.”

“Maybe next time then,” Heidi said.

“Maybe,” Jared nodded.

He chanced a glance at Evan. Evan looked relieved. He hated that. He wasn’t going to give Evan the satisfaction of seeing that he hated that.

He also wasn’t going to let Evan see that it bothered him that he knew there wouldn’t be a next time.

He pushed that thought away. Why should that bother him? 

It was like he’d told himself, he didn’t need Evan. He was doing just fine on his own.

Jared gestured at a group clustered around the kitchen counter. “If you’ll excuse me, there’s my aunt Esther. I have to go see her about a girl.”


	5. Junior Year - January

**Junior Year – January**

Joey rested his chin on his hands while he stared at the screen.

He rubbed his forehead and reached down to scroll through the folder again.

This was crazy. What was he doing? He didn’t know what he thought he was going to do with... He didn’t even want to give it a name. 

What did he think he was going to do with all this? Did he really want to blackmail Uncle Kevin? Did he really think he could get away with blackmailing Uncle Kevin?

Uncle Kevin had lawyers and guards and people who were paid insane amounts of money to do heaven knows what. People who could crush Joey without breaking a sweat.

Joey really wasn’t looking for trouble. That was the whole reason he’d started this. 

Kind of.

He’d originally started it to prove that Uncle Kevin was a freaking hypocrite, but he’d kept at it because he felt like he owed it to his family. To Aunt Nadine, mostly, but also to his cousins and to Connor and...

People went to jail for blackmailing other people, didn’t they? He was seventeen, old enough to be tried as an adult, right?

He wondered what Evan’s mom would say if he started asking her questions about that. Questions about jail sentences and exactly how the sheriff’s department would define blackmail.

Joey jumped and angled his laptop towards him when his door flew open without warning. He practically hugged it to his chest as he glared at Zoe.

“Ever heard of knocking?”

Zoe smirked and flopped onto his bed. “Why? You watching porn?”

“What if I was?” Joey retorted.

Zoe’s nose scrunched up as she leaned forward to see. Joey snapped his laptop closed before she could.

“You were watching porn in the middle of the afternoon?” Zoe scoffed. “Really?”

“Did you want something?” Joey sighed.

Zoe jabbed a finger at the flash drive sticking out of his computer. “Do we have homework I don’t know about?”

“No,” Joey said quickly.

Zoe narrowed her eyes. “Are you trying to beat me again? Are you trying to prove you’re better at-”

“No,” Joey said again. “I... It’s like I said. I was watching porn.”

Zoe shook her head like she didn’t believe him. She decided not to press anymore though. Joey was relieved when he saw that.

“So, what’s up?” Joey finally asked. He leaned back against his headboard when she tilted her head at him. “Why did you come bursting in here like that?”

“Oh,” Zoe laughed. “I don’t think he’s gay.”

“Who?”

“Elton John,” Zoe said solemnly. She rolled her eyes at Joey’s confusion. “Connor!”

Joey’s confusion only grew stronger. “He says he is.”

“Yeah, but...” Zoe glanced over her shoulder before leaning forward. “I was just talking to him and-”

“You were talking to him?”

“I was trying to talk to him,” Zoe clarified impatiently. “I was flipping through a magazine and I started showing him pictures and asking him what his type is and...”

Zoe sighed and shrugged her shoulders dramatically. “He looked at me like I’d asked him... I don’t know. Something really weird.”

“Maybe he doesn’t like talking to you about these things either.”

Joey raised his eyebrows when she met his stare. He couldn’t blame Connor for not wanting to their sister about guys. He didn’t like talking to Zoe about girls. And he definitely didn’t like talking to her about her boyfriends, especially now that she was seeing Evan. 

“Maybe,” Zoe muttered. She looked far from convinced though. “He was probably high.”

“Dazed High?” Joey nodded. 

“Giving his moods cutesy names doesn’t make it easier for us to deal with them,” Zoe snapped.

Joey made a face. That wasn’t the first time she’d said that. Far from it.

“But, yeah, definitely Dazed High. Like I would’ve tried that if he’d been Angry High.”

“Or Paranoid High,” Josey added. “He would’ve thought you were spying on him for Mom and Dad if he was Paranoid High.”

Zoe stared at her hands. Joey frowned when he saw how sad she looked.

“What’s wrong?”

Zoe smiled weakly. “Nothing. I just... I don’t know. He almost sounded normal when he said he was gay, didn’t he?”

“I guess?” Joey said uncertainly.

“He did,” Zoe nodded decisively. “He sounded normal.”

Joey idly tapped his fingers on his laptop. He’d heard their parents talking to each other after Connor told them he was gay. He’d heard their mother say that they had to be careful, that they had to make sure Connor didn’t think they were ashamed of him. He’d heard their father say he wondered if this explained some things.

Joey didn’t know what things their father meant. He hadn’t stuck around to see if he elaborated. 

“It isn’t a big deal,” Joey shrugged.

Zoe’s face hardened like he’d just accused her of something horrible. “I know!”

“So he’s gay? That’s his business, not-”

“I know it isn’t a big deal,” Zoe hissed. “I was trying to be...”

“You were trying to be supportive by showing him pictures of the guys in your magazines?” Joey snorted. He gave her two thumbs up. “Excellent idea! Really top-notch.”

“It’s not like I tried to take him to the mall to go guy watching,” Zoe retorted. “I... I was going to tell him I get it, but he didn’t give me a chance.”

“You get it?” Joey squinted at her curiously. “You mean you’ve had girl crushes?”

Zoe wrinkled her nose. “I hate that phrase. A crush is a crush. But, yeah, I get it... I mean, I get it if he even is gay.”

“Why would he make this up?”

“He’s Connor. Why does he do anything?”

“But why-”

“It was all very ‘hey, look over here,’ wasn’t it?” Zoe frowned. “Mom was talking about her friend’s daughter and Connor just blurted out that he’s gay?”

“You think he said he’s gay so Mom would stop trying to set him up with her friend’s daughter?”

Zoe shook her head as she laughed at him. “She wasn’t trying to set Connor up. She was trying to set you up!”

Joey folded his arms across his chest. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Zoe giggled. “You didn’t notice?”

He hadn’t, but then he hadn’t really been listening before Connor’s outburst. 

“She sounds like a real catch,” Zoe grinned. “The girl... whatever her name was.”

“No, thank you,” Joey said quickly.

“Why? You aren’t seeing anyone, are you?”

Joey shifted around uncomfortably. He hoped that Zoe assumed he was uncomfortable with the idea of being set up by their mother, not because her question made him uncomfortable.

Zoe didn’t know about Sophie. She didn’t know anything about Sophie. Joey had made sure of that.

She didn’t know about how they’d started making out at Sarah’s Halloween party. She didn’t know how that had led to a random, undefined thing where they occasionally made out in random places, at really random times. She didn’t know how that had turned into something that was actually real. 

And she definitely didn’t know how Sophie had dumped Joey out of the blue.

Joey knew what Zoe would say if she heard that. She’d wonder how Joey could be upset that Sophie Ventura didn’t want to go out with him anymore. She’d wonder what he’d been thinking when he started seeing her in the first place.

He didn’t have an answer for that. Not for Zoe, not for himself.

He’d liked Sophie. And that had been enough for him.

He was pretty sure she’d liked him too. Really liked him. He was almost positive that she hadn’t just liked making out with him. 

He didn’t know why she’d dumped him. He hoped it didn’t have anything to do with the disaster that had been the karaoke contest. 

He tried to tell himself it didn’t because he knew he’d go through with the blackmail if he thought it had. He tried to tell himself that Uncle Kevin and that whole mess hadn’t influenced Sophie at all.

He pushed those thoughts out of his head and nodded along as Zoe continued to talk about their mother’s friend’s daughter.

“It would be fun if you had a girlfriend,” Zoe finished. “Then we could all go on double dates.”

“Double dates?” Joey grinned ruefully. “As opposed to the nights when I’m your third wheel?”

“You’re not a third wheel!” Zoe said automatically. “If anything, I’m the third wheel. You and Evan are best friends. I’m just-”

“His girlfriend,” Joey finished. “It’s cool. I knew it couldn’t go on this way forever.”

“I’m not trying to steal him from you.”

“Like you could,” Joey laughed. “It’s fine, really. I’ll stop tagging along with you guys all the time.”

Zoe bit her lip. “You know, Maya’s always thought you were cute.”

“I’m fine, really,” Joey said firmly. “I have enough going on right now without worrying about all that.”

Zoe sat up straight and studied him. “Okay, seriously, what assignment do you know about that I don’t?”

“There is no assignment.”

“No assignment?” Zoe gave him a look so strong that Joey felt it in his bones.

“No assignment,” Joey confirmed. “I’m just, you know, trying to assemble the world’s biggest porn collection.”

“Oh my God,” Zoe sputtered. “Why do I ask?”

“This is what you get when you come in without knocking,” Joey smirked. “You do realize that the last time I walked in your room without knocking, you threatened me with your hair straightener.”

“That was different,” Zoe scoffed. “I wasn’t dressed.”

“You’ve walked in on me when I’m half-naked more times than I can count.”

“That’s different,” Zoe hissed. “It’s-”

“You never walk in on Connor.”

“I don’t have a death wish! And who even knows what you’ll find if you don’t give him a warning first?”

Joey simply stared until she narrowed her eyes and slid off his bed.

“I guess I’ll go then, since I’m clearly not welcome here.”

Joey would’ve argued that point but he knew she wasn’t being serious. Not entirely anyway.

He waited until she was gone to open his laptop again. He stared at the screen and sighed to himself.

Part of him wanted to confront Uncle Kevin with what he’d found, part of him wanted to post an anonymous exposé online, and part of him wanted to delete it all.

He clenched his teeth as he stared at the screen.

He honestly wasn’t sure which part would end up winning.


	6. Junior Year - October

**Junior Year – October**

“And then there was the time when Connor ended up at the rest stop on Swann Road with no recollection of how he got there. He was freaking out when we showed up. His hands were covered in blood because he’d been beating up a sink. Because, get this, he thought the sink was an alien overlord who was holding him hostage.”

Zoe glanced in the rearview mirror to check Evan’s expression. She knew what Joey was doing. She knew he was trying to make this sound like an adventure, like rescuing their brother was a fun way to spend a Saturday night.

Joey’s stories weren’t helping his case though. Evan somehow managed to look even more anxious every time Joey spoke up.

“You can stay in the car,” Zoe offered. She turned around to give Evan what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “That might be easier, actually. We don’t know what kind of mood Connor’s in tonight.”

Joey bit his lip. “I might need help carrying him out, unless you’re willing to...”

Zoe shook her head. She was not putting a hand on Connor while he was like this. Not after the time he thrashed around so much that he nearly gave her a black eye. 

Zoe would’ve reminded Joey of that if Evan hadn’t been there. She would’ve reminded him that she thought this was ridiculous. That they should let Connor find his own way home. That it wasn’t their responsibility to go fetch him whenever Josh ditched him somewhere.

It wasn’t that she didn’t care about Connor. She did. It was just hard. He was hard to deal with on a good day, impossible on a bad one. She would’ve let Connor fend for himself if it were up to her. Joey refused to do that though. She didn’t get that way of thinking at all. 

She didn’t say that out loud. They’d had that argument so many times she knew both sides of it by heart. She didn’t feel like getting into it again, especially since they had Evan with them. Evan was spooked enough as it was without adding her reluctance to help Connor to the mix.

“Did Josh say exactly where he left him?” Zoe asked.

“On the pier,” Joey said.

“The pier’s huge,” Zoe reminded him. “Did he say-”

“He’ll be by the water. Connor always likes the water when he’s like this. Remember the time he tried to break into the aquarium?”

Evan let out a startled laugh. “He tried to break into the aquarium?”

“Well, not break in, exactly,” Joey grinned. “He went down there though. We found him sitting by the pond outside the gate. He had his feet in the water like he was a little kid. It would’ve been adorable if he hadn’t been reciting dirty limericks to himself.”

“That one was funny,” Zoe admitted reluctantly. “I still say the funniest time was the time when he decided to crash Mom’s Zumba class though.”

“That was what made her decide to switch back to yoga and Pilates,” Joey finished.

Evan snorted and leaned against the window. 

Zoe nodded to herself when she saw that. He looked calmer than he had a minute ago. Maybe Joey actually knew what he was doing.

Joey turned the radio up as he switched lanes. Zoe wasn’t sure if he did that because he liked the song or because he was trying to drown out the silence that had fallen over them. 

The pier was empty when they got there. That wasn’t a surprise since it was late and all the merchants had closed up for the night.

Zoe elbowed Joey when she spotted a figure slumped against a pole at the end of the pier. He nodded and mouthed their brother’s name.

The fact that Connor was sitting like that was a good sign. It meant that they were most likely dealing with Dazed High Connor. That was the easiest Connor to handle because he usually did whatever they said without putting up a fight first.

“Come on,” Joey muttered. “Let’s get him home so he can pass out before our parents get back from their dinner.”

Zoe frowned at that. She hated this part. She hated helping Connor out of a jam. She hated covering for him. She often wondered what would happen if they didn’t help him. She knew he’d come home eventually. He had figured out how to do that the few times Joey hadn’t been around when Josh called. 

She wondered what their parents would do if they ever realized exactly what Connor did when he left their house. She wondered if it would change anything at all.

Somehow, she doubted that it would.

She climbed out of the car and followed Joey and Evan down the pier. She stood back as Joey talked to Connor in the most soothing tone he could manage. She watched as Joey and Evan helped Connor to his feet and staggered towards the car.

She caught a whiff of Connor as he stumbled by her. He smelled like he’d been swimming in a pool of beer.

Dazed High Connor then. Definitely Dazed High Connor. Drunk Sleepy Dazed High Connor. That really was the best kind of High Connor. He’d be asleep before they left the parking lot.

Connor froze by the entrance to the pier and narrowed his eyes at Evan. “Who’s this?”

Zoe rolled her eyes. “That’s Evan. You’ve met him before. You don’t remember him?”

She couldn’t help smirking as she looked him in the eye. “I know you know his name at least.”

Evan glanced at her like he was missing something. Which he was, so that was fair. She didn’t feel like explaining what he was missing though. She caught Joey’s eye and could tell that he didn’t either.

“He’s Joey’s friend,” Connor said slowly. Zoe could practically see the wheels turning in his head.

“Good,” Zoe beamed. She resisted the urge to pat him on the head. No good could come from that.

Zoe’s face lit up as she turned to Evan again. “Hey, so, question, your mom’s the sheriff. What happens to teenagers who are caught under the influence in public places?”

Evan blinked at her uncertainly. “Um, I, uh-”

“What if the teenager’s eighteen? That would make a difference, wouldn’t it?” Zoe narrowed her eyes at Connor. He narrowed his in return when he got what she was getting at.

Joey cleared his throat until Connor looked at him. Zoe rolled her eyes again. She knew what this was. Joey the Peacemaker to the rescue. 

Joey smiled weakly as he helped Connor into the car. “Do you want to get carry-out from Louie’s? A cheeseburger, maybe? That’ll absorb some of...” He gestured at Connor vaguely. “Whatever this is.”

Zoe didn’t wait to hear Connor’s response. She turned on her heel and stalked over to the edge of the pier. She needed a moment to collect herself before getting back in the car.

She wasn’t surprised when she heard Joey behind her. She turned around to raise her eyebrows at him. “You left Connor in the car with Evan? You think that’s a good idea?”

“He’s almost asleep,” Joey laughed. “Evan’s only in danger of being drooled on.”

Zoe leaned forward to see. Sure enough, Connor was slumped over with his eyes closed. His head kept bobbing around until it finally landed on Evan’s shoulder. She shook her head when she saw how panicked that made Evan look. He kept staring at Connor like he was watching a bomb that was about to go off.

“You think Evan will ever want to hang out with us again after tonight?” 

Joey tilted his head uncertainly. “Why wouldn’t he?”

Zoe bit her lip to keep from laughing as she nodded at the car. “Because you locked him in the car with our brother...” Zoe couldn’t help snorting as she watched Connor reach up to stroke Evan’s face. “Our brother who is about to start molesting him.”

“He is not going to-” Joey began irritably. His eyes widened when he looked at the car. “Okay, so we need to get back there...” 

He paused long enough to look over his shoulder. Zoe dropped her gaze as he studied her.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Zoe shrugged.

She was okay. Mostly. She knew they were doing the right thing or that Joey thought they were. And that was usually a sign that they had made the right choice.

She wrapped an arm around her brother’s shoulder. “You know you really are the ultimate Hufflepuff.”

“Thanks,” Joey beamed. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It was one,” Zoe smiled.

Her smile disappeared as soon as she got in the car. She caught Evan’s eye and nodded at Connor. “You need help?”

Evan nodded gratefully as she reached back to help pry Connor off him. “Is your brother always this affectionate when he’s drunk?”

“Well, would you look at that?” Joey drawled in the worst Southern accent Zoe had ever heard. “He likes you!”

Zoe shook her head as Connor yawned and leaned on Evan again. This was new. Connor usually went out of his way to avoid physical contact with others, even when he was drunk. Especially when he was drunk. She glanced at Joey and knew that he was already coming up with a name for this kind of high.

“Cuddly Drunk High Connor,” Joey grinned. “Congratulations, Evan! I think you may have discovered the best High Connor yet!”

Zoe snorted when she saw Evan’s expression. He seemed to get that this was an extremely dubious kind of honor.

“Thanks?” Evan blinked. He cautiously poked Connor’s arm. “I think he’s asleep.”

Joey’s grin widened as he glanced in the rearview mirror. “Don’t worry. He won’t remember any of this when he wakes up.”

“He probably won’t remember you at all,” Zoe added.

Joey scowled like she’d said the wrong thing, but Evan didn’t seem to mind. He actually seemed quite relieved to hear that.

“So, Louie’s?” Joey asked.

“Louie’s,” Zoe nodded.

Evan poked Connor’s arm again as he buried his head in Evan’s shoulder. “What about...”

Joey said they’d wake him up at the same time that Zoe said Connor could sleep it off in the car.

They frowned as they turned to glare at each other. 

Joey looked Zoe in the eye and shrugged. “Maybe we should hit a drive thru instead.”


	7. Senior Year - New Year's Eve

**Senior Year – New Year’s Eve (takes place during chapter 21 of _Hansen Investigations_ )**

The nail polish was pink and glittery and looked like something a four-year-old would try to put on her Barbie.

Connor looked Kelsey in the eye and said, “No.”

He shook his head to emphasize his point, but she didn’t get it or was choosing not to get it. He wasn’t sure. She was probably pretending not to get it. He’d always thought she was the smart cousin after all.

“Please,” Kelsey begged. She clasped her hands under chin and widened her eyes as she looked up at him. “Joey would’ve let me paint his nails.”

And there it was. The low blow. Connor hadn’t even known Kelsey was capable of playing dirty. Not that dirty at least.

He glanced at Zoe, only to look away when he saw her expression.

Kelsey was right. Joey would’ve let her paint his nails. He would’ve laughed and said to go ahead. He would’ve let her paint his nails even if she wasn’t upset about her parents. He would’ve let her do it because he would’ve thought it was funny. He would’ve laughed and said to go ahead, that this was what nail polish remover was for.

Zoe knew that too. She knew it and Connor’s reluctance to go along with Kelsey’s antics was reminding her yet again that her twin was gone.

He narrowed his eyes at Kelsey and shook his head as if to say ‘well-played.’

“Fine,” he relented. “But only my toenails.”

He kept his eyes on his feet as he removed his socks. He tried to ignore the fact that Kelsey was clapping her hands excitedly.

He distracted himself by looking around Zoe’s room. “Have your walls always been purple?”

“Uh, yeah, pretty much,” Zoe laughed. “Dad and I painted them when I was ten.”

“Oh,” Connor muttered. He knew that. He thought that he had known that at one point.

He comforted himself with the knowledge that he’d never really spent much time in Zoe’s room. He’d been banned from her room actually. Zoe had always made it clear that he wasn’t welcome there and their parents had backed her up. They’d told him not to harass his sister, to leave her alone.

He hadn’t had trouble following that rule. Not really anyway. It had been easy to follow it most of the time. He didn’t like to think about the times it hadn’t been easy. He didn’t like to think about the times he’d freaked out and tried to make Zoe let him in.

It was kind of a wonder she could look past that. It was kind of a wonder that she was willing to try.

It was kind of hilarious to think about how much his life had changed that year. A year ago, he never would’ve predicted that he’d be spending New Year’s Eve with Zoe and Kelsey. He never would’ve predicted that he’d end up sitting around and watching while they gave each other makeovers and put streaks in their hair. 

And he definitely never would’ve guessed that he’d be finishing the year with glittery pink toenails.

He nearly kicked Kelsey in the face when she suddenly grabbed his foot. 

“Watch it!” Kelsey yelped. She wrinkled her nose distastefully. “Do you want to wash your feet first?”

Connor ignored her question. He decided not to suggest that she was the one who needed a bath. She clearly hadn’t been taking care of herself since her father’s stabbing. Even he could tell that her hair was stringy and unwashed. 

Zoe flopped down on the edge of the bed and waved her phone at Kelsey. “You sure you don’t want to go to Mara’s party? Nicole says it’s a lot of fun.”

Kelsey shuddered at the thought. “I am so not in the mood for a party.”

“Do you want me to ask Nicole if Bobby’s there?”

Kelsey nearly dropped the nail polish as she jumped off the ground. “Don’t you dare!”

“What?” Zoe asked innocently. “It’s just a-”

“I’m over Bobby,” Kelsey hissed. 

“Since when?”

Kelsey glared at Zoe and jerked her head in Connor’s direction. “Can we not...”

“Connor won’t tell anyone,” Zoe said quickly. “Will you?”

Connor wasn’t even sure what he wasn’t supposed to tell. He blinked and nodded automatically.

“So, what happened?” Zoe asked. “With Bobby, I mean. You were really into him last month.”

“Nothing happened,” Kelsey sighed. “I... He asked me out. I mean, I think he asked me out.”

“You think he asked you out?” 

Kelsey stared at her hands. “I’m not sure. It happened so fast and I... I choked. I panicked and said I had to go and then I ran into a locker. Literally ran into a locker. Like, someone had their locker open and I turned around and ran right into it. He hasn’t even looked at me since.”

“Well, no wonder,” Zoe snorted. “He probably thinks you’re disgusted by him.”

“It’s not just Bobby,” Kelsey whispered. “It’s like I can’t talk to anyone who might be interested in me. I was at the store the other day and this guy started flirting with me.”

“Okay,” Zoe nodded encouragingly. 

“But then I started freaking out and convinced myself that he was only talking to me because he recognized me.”

“Why would he recognize you?”

Kelsey bit her lip. “It happens sometimes. People recognize me from one of the stories about my dad and you know...” She shrugged. “It kind of freaks me out whenever it happens. Mom’s always saying I need to be careful around people like that, that they only want to talk to me because they know Dad’s loaded. She’s always reminding me not to milk it like Josh does.”

“So, what’d you do?”

“I told him that my name’s Kelly Murray.”

“Smooth,” Zoe smirked.

“Shut up!” Kelsey hissed. “His face twitched when I said that. It twitched like he knew I was lying, like he knows what my name really is.”

“Maybe he, uh-”

Kelsey let out a squeaking sound and grabbed at her hair. “So, then I asked him if he actually thought that Kevin Murphy’s daughter would need to buy computer supplies from a store.”

“Oh, Kels,” Zoe sighed.

“And then I left and went home and ordered the parts I need from Amazon.”

“Okay,” Zoe nodded. “So, you obviously need a crash course on how to-”

Kelsey groaned and buried her head in her hands. “I can’t do this. The whole guy thing. I can’t do it. I think I’m going to be one of those people. You know, I’ll get all these degrees and be really successful and then one day when I’m, like, forty-five, I’ll marry the first equally successful, equally agoraphobic guy I find. And then we’ll have ferrets. Lots and lots of ferrets. Or maybe guinea pigs. Guinea pigs are nicer than ferrets.”

“Well, as long as you have a plan...” Zoe grinned.

Kelsey grabbed a pillow and tossed it in Zoe’s direction. Zoe laughed and threw it back.

Connor shook his head at them. He couldn’t believe what he’d been pulled into.

It was enough to make him want to leave. He didn’t know how much more girl talk he could handle. He would’ve gotten up if he didn’t have three wet toenails. 

And then there was also the fact that his parents were downstairs with Uncle Kevin and several of their friends. The girls had rescued him from that gathering. If his mother heard him in the hall, she’d try to make him come back down.

Zoe hugged a different pillow and tilted her head at Connor. “What do you think?”

Connor tilted his head in return. “About what?”

“About Kelsey’s boy problem,” Zoe said. 

Her tone was light, but there was something unsettling about the glint in her eyes. Connor didn’t need to ask what that was about. 

She was testing the waters again, trying to see if he would give a Joey-like answer.

Kelsey whacked her with the pillow before Connor could think of a response. That was a relief because he had no idea what to say. He wondered if Joey would’ve known. He wondered if Joey had actually liked being pulled into these things or if he’d just been too nice to refuse.

“Can we not talk about this in front of your brother?” Kelsey hissed.

“Who’s he going to tell?” Zoe’s smile disappeared as a thought popped into her head. “This doesn’t leave the room. None of this. You can’t even tell Evan.”

Kelsey looked so horrified at the thought that Connor couldn’t help but frown.

“If he tells Evan, Evan will tell Jared and Jared will tell everyone.”

Zoe sat up straight and held out her pinky. She narrowed her eyes until Connor did the same.

Zoe leaned forward to link their fingers together. “Do you, Connor Murphy, pinky swear that you will not breathe even one word of this to anyone else?”

Connor rolled his eyes. “I do.”

“Including Evan Hansen,” Kelsey added.

Zoe nodded solemnly. “Including Evan Hansen.”

“I won’t tell anyone, including Evan,” Connor promised.

Zoe released his pinky and nodded like she was satisfied with what he’d said. 

“Where is Evan tonight?” Kelsey asked curiously.

“No idea,” Connor shrugged.

He stared at the ceiling as the girls exchanged a look. He didn’t like that look. He didn’t like it at all.

“You didn’t invite him to come over?” Kelsey wondered.

“I haven’t talked to him this week.”

Zoe’s eyes widened at that. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Connor snapped. He wiggled his toes at Kelsey. He was so desperate to change the subject that he was almost willing to remind her about his pedicure.

Kelsey didn’t budge though. She stared at him like he was a math problem she was trying to solve.

“Did you guys get in a fight?” Zoe frowned. 

Connor shook his head. “I’ve been laying low all week. We all have.”

“I’ve still been texting my friends though.”

“Well, I’m not like you. I don’t feel the need to share every inane thought I have with my friends.”

“Friend,” Zoe retorted. “As in singular.”

Kelsey twisted around to look at Zoe. “I thought you said he-”

Zoe threw the pillow she was holding so quickly that Kelsey almost fell off the bed. 

“What?” Kelsey laughed.

Zoe shook her head warningly.

Connor looked away when he saw that. 

He didn’t need to ask what he was missing. He wasn’t missing anything. He knew what they weren’t saying. He knew what Kelsey thought Zoe had told her.

Zoe thought he liked Evan. Liked him-liked him.

That made it sound like they were in middle school, but he really didn’t know how else to phrase it.

She hadn’t come out and said that, but she’d alluded to it more than once. She’d been doing that ever since she saw them sitting together after the football game during Thanksgiving weekend.

Connor still wasn’t sure what had made her come to that conclusion. He didn’t think he wanted to know. It was easier that way.

It was easier not to think about the fact that there were now two people – Lena and Zoe – who were convinced that he had a thing for Evan. 

Three, if he counted Kelsey. He wasn’t sure if he did though. He had a feeling Kelsey would believe Zoe if she told her the sky was orange.

“Do I need to give you both a crash course on how to talk to boys you like?” Zoe grinned.

Connor smirked as Kelsey threw the pillow back at Zoe. She threw it with more force than was really necessary.

He had to admit it was a relief to see they were on the same side. For the moment, at least.

Zoe’s shoulders slumped as she seemed to accept her defeat. She jumped off her bed and ran to the window as a burst of light filled the sky.

She rocked back on her heels excitedly. “The fireworks are starting! It must be midnight!” 

Connor reluctantly wobbled across the room to join the girls by the window. He supposed he should be happy that Kelsey hadn’t finished his nails. It would make it easier for him to get the polish off later.

He leaned against the wall while Zoe texted her friends and Kelsey called her mom. He grabbed his phone and impulsively sent a text to Evan.

He lowered his phone and watched the fireworks. He focused on the fireworks and tried not to feel like he was alone. 

Zoe was no longer paying attention to them. She was lost in a sea of texts. From the looks of it, her friends were responding so rapidly that she could barely keep up. 

Kelsey was trying to convince her mother to get up and watch the fireworks. He turned away when he saw how glassy Kelsey’s eyes looked. She looked like she was going to burst into tears if she couldn’t coax her mother out of bed.

He sucked in a breath when his phone suddenly buzzed. 

The message was simple. It simply parroted what he’d said.

_Happy New Year._

He could feel his cheeks heating up when Zoe raised an eyebrow at him.

“Evan?” Zoe smirked.

Connor pocketed his phone and pressed his forehead against the window.

“Shut up.”


	8. Junior Year - April

**Junior Year – April**

There was a phone on his desk.

That had to be a mistake. He was obviously at the wrong desk if there was a phone on it. His mother must’ve been gesturing at another desk, a different desk that did not have a phone on it.

Except there weren’t any other desks there. 

Evan blinked when he realized that. He blinked and turned to face his mother. He pointed at the phone. “What’s this doing here?”

That was a stupid question. He knew that as soon as he asked it. He really knew it when he saw the way his mother was squinting at him.

“That’s a phone,” Heidi said. “It’s this newfangled invention that allows people in other locations to contact us.”

Evan stared at his feet. “No, I know. I know what a phone is. I just meant, what’s it doing on my desk? Shouldn’t it be in your office?”

“I have a phone in my office too.”

“Okay,” Evan nodded swiftly. “So, why do I need one then?”

Stupid question. He swallowed sharply when he saw her expression. Really stupid question. 

He anxiously scratched at his neck. “You expect me to answer your calls?”

“That’s part of the job,” Heidi said lightly.

Evan nodded and reluctantly sat down at the desk. 

Of course, it was part of the job. He should’ve known that was part of the job. What had he been thinking? What had he thought she wanted him to do?

He’d assumed this would be like the times she’d brought him to the station. He’d assumed it would just involve a lot of filing. Boring filing. Unimportant, boring filing. He’d never been allowed to handle any of the interesting papers.

His head shot up as a thought occurred to him. “What kind of cases do you think you’ll get?”

“Well,” Heidi said slowly. “I already have one. Maggie has a friend who thinks her husband is having an affair.”

Evan’s heart felt heavy when he heard that. His cheeks puffed out as he stared blankly at the computer. 

He didn’t know what to say. He was surprised his mother was comfortable working on something like that. After everything with his father and Lisa, he would’ve thought that she’d want nothing to do with potential adulterers. 

“I think we should discuss exactly what your job’s going to entail.”

Evan’s eyes widened as he spun around to face her. He swallowed dryly. “Okay...”

“Answering the phone is going to be a big part of it.”

Evan stared at the phone like it was going to attack him. “You mean I’ll have to answer it and take messages or...”

“I’ll need you to do more than that. You can ask the people questions. Basic questions. Figure out why they’re calling and if we’ll be able to help them.”

Evan nodded slightly. “Um, okay, I can, uh...” He jumped when she put a hand on his shoulder.

“Dr. Sherman thinks you’re getting better at this, at talking to people.”

Evan nodded again. He was. He knew that. He knew he was a lot better at it than he had been a year ago. But he also knew he’d been rapidly regressing ever since Joey died. 

“You can push this if you need to send a call to voicemail,” Heidi pointed at a blue button on the phone. She shook her head when she saw how relieved he was to hear that. “Not every time though. You can’t push it every time the phone rings.”

“Okay,” Evan muttered. He had a feeling that button was going to become his new best friend. “What else am I going to do? File things?”

“There will be some filing for you to do,” Heidi smiled. “And research. I may need you to help with that. And possibly some surveillance.”

Evan couldn’t help gaping at her. “Surveillance? You want me to spy on people?”

“That’s one way of looking at it.” Heidi took a breath and looked at the door. “Come on. I’ll show you what I mean.”

 

She wanted him to spy on people. That was what she meant. He didn’t know why she thought he hadn’t worded that correctly. 

She wanted him to plant listening devices on them and take pictures of them and collect evidence that proved they were up to no good.

Maggie’s friend’s husband was cheating.

It didn’t take them long to figure that out. 

Evan stayed in the car and watched as his mother performed a bump and drop. It was kind of fun to watch her drop a bug in the guy’s bag until he realized that she expected him to be able to do that too. She expected him to be able to bump into people and plant things on them. She expected him to be able to do that without getting flustered and apologizing profusely.

He tried to look on the bright side. It could be fun. It could be exciting. It would definitely be a distraction and he really needed more distractions.

He just hoped he wouldn’t get caught. He didn’t even want to think about how that would go. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if he started panicking and shaking when he was supposed to be planting something on someone.

He looked up as his mother slid back into the car.

“Easy, right?” Heidi beamed. “It’s amazing how easy it is to do that. Most people don’t give it a second thought when you walk into them.”

Evan tilted his head to watch as she adjusted the settings on her receiver. It crackled for a moment before they could hear voices.

“They’re in the room,” Heidi nodded. 

Evan leaned back in his seat and listened. It didn’t take them long to get down to business. He could feel his cheeks heating up as their conversation dissolved into a series of moans. He glanced at his mother out of the corner of his eye and had a feeling she was starting to regret bringing him with her.

“We’ll just, uh, mute this for a bit,” Heidi said stiffly. 

Evan bit his lip and looked down while she messed with the dials. He squeezed his eyes shut when she accidentally pushed something that greatly magnified the sound.

“Don’t bother,” Evan laughed. “It’ll be over in a minute.”

His stomach dropped when he realized he’d said that out loud. That he’d said that out loud to his mother, who was now looking at him like she wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh or give him a lecture.

Lecture. She was going for the lecture. His stomach did a flip when he saw the way she was studying him.

“You’re being careful, aren’t you?”

Evan sucked in a breath and stared straight ahead. “Careful about what?”

He was purposely playing dumb. Kind of. He thought he knew what she was getting at, but he wasn’t certain and he didn’t want to answer her unless he was certain because answering the wrong question would make this whole thing so much worse. 

Heidi gestured at the receiver. “This. You’re-”

“I’m not doing that!” Evan cut in shrilly. “Who do you think I’m-”

“Were you careful when you were with Zoe?”

“I didn’t have to be.” Evan winced when he heard himself. “I mean, we never...”

He tugged at his shirt and tried to breathe. “I didn’t help produce any Murphy spawn. Trust me.”

Heidi stared at the receiver as the moans finally started to slow down. “There are other ways of getting a girl pregnant. If you-”

“I know,” Evan said sharply. 

Heidi didn’t say anything for a moment. She pressed two fingers to her chin and stared at him like she was trying to read his mind. 

“We’ve never really talked about these things. Your father said he talked to you, but-”

“I’ve done the research.”

Evan regretted saying that when he saw her face. “I mean, I-”

“You’ve done the research,” Heidi sighed. “I guess that’s better than picking it up on the streets.”

“What kind of streets do you think I hang out on?”

Heidi snorted and turned her attention back to the receiver as the couple declared that they loved each other.

“What’re you going to do with that?” Evan wondered. “Maggie’s friend doesn’t want to hear her husband and his girlfriend having sex, does she?”

Heidi shook her head. “The recording will be a bargaining chip for her lawyer, if it comes to that.”

Heidi tapped the camera in her lap. “What we need now is a picture. Either of them in the room, if they open the blinds, or of them leaving the hotel together.”

Evan nodded. “So, now we wait?”

“Now we wait.”

 

His mother went to get them dinner at some point during the third round. At least, that’s what she said she was doing. Evan kind of thought she was using that as an excuse to get out of the car for a bit.

He could tell that she was seriously regretting her decision to use this case to show him the ropes. Even with the volume turned all the way down, they could still hear every sound the couple made.

Evan shifted uncomfortably as the moans grew louder again. He covered his ears and closed his eyes and laughed at himself for acting like a traumatized child.

He lowered his hands when he heard them talking again. 

They were leaving. He realized that when he heard them saying their goodbyes. 

He looked around wildly. His mother was nowhere to be seen. She’d said something about going to a café down the street, but he couldn’t see anything that looked like a café.

He grabbed the camera off the driver’s seat and squinted up at the building. 

Someone was opening the shades. He aimed the camera and zoomed in and clicked the button repeatedly.

His hands shook as he checked his work. They’d come out. The pictures had actually come out. He’d gotten a shot of the man stroking his girlfriend’s face, a shot of them smiling slyly at each other, and – the money shot – one of them kissing right in front of the window.

Evan smirked when he saw how clear that one looked. 

How stupid could you be to have an affair and kiss your mistress in the open like that? Well, maybe not in the open. They weren’t in public after all. 

But still. Stupid. People were so stupid. 

He grabbed the camera again when he saw them walk out of the hotel. 

They really were making this way too easy for him.

He got a shot of them holding hands. He got a shot of them hugging and another one of them kissing.

Out in the open.

Stupid. They were just begging to be caught.

He lowered the camera and slumped down in his seat when he realized the girlfriend was heading his way.

She didn’t even glance in his direction though. She was too busy smiling and twirling her hair to notice that there was a guy sitting in the car next to hers.

He snapped a picture of her license plate because he could.

He jumped when he heard the car door open. For a second, for one terrifying second, he thought that the mistress had come back or that the husband had spotted him.

His heart sped up and he could taste the bile rising in his throat.

It was just his mother though. He grinned when he saw that.

He grinned and waved the camera. “You just missed them.”

Heidi took the camera from him and reviewed the pictures. Evan stared at his hands while she did that. He felt dizzy when he finally chanced a glance at her. Her face was unreadable. He tried to figure out what he’d done wrong. He tried to figure out how he’d managed to mess this up.

He hated that thought. He hated feeling like he’d messed it up because he had finally started to feel like he could do this. Maybe not all of it. The thought of answering the phone was still terrifying, but he could do this part.

He was good at being invisible. He could be invisible without even trying. He could follow people and take pictures of them and prove that they were up to no good.

He could help bring the liars and thieves and adulterers to justice. 

Except maybe he couldn’t. 

He cleared his throat and nodded at the camera. “Is there something wrong?”

He blinked when he saw that his mother was beaming at him. 

She held up the camera so he could see the first shot he’d gotten, the one of the man stroking the woman’s face. 

“I’ll have to print out two copies of this one.”

Evan tilted his head uncertainly. “Why?”

“So I can put one on the refrigerator next to your first finger painting.”

Evan let out a startled laugh and tried to tell if she was kidding. He was pretty sure that she was being at least half-serious.

But that was okay. It was okay because it was proof that he could do this.

And he could live with that. He could live with this life.


	9. Junior Year - September

**Junior Year – September**

“You look pale.”

Joey looked up from his phone long enough to frown at Alana. It took him a second to realize that those words hadn’t been aimed at him. They’d been aimed at Evan, who really was looking exceptionally pale.

“You aren’t going to throw up, are you?” Alana’s face scrunched up as she studied Evan. “The last time I saw someone who looked that pale was when I was babysitting for my neighbor’s kid. He got all sweaty and pasty like that too before he barfed all over the sofa.”

Alana shook her head as Evan gripped the edge of the table. “Go to the bathroom if you’re going to hurl. I am not cleaning that up.”

Joey glanced at Evan quickly before deciding it would be in everyone’s best interest if he got Alana to focus on him instead.

“I didn’t know you worked here,” Joey said brightly.

Alana gave Evan one more suspicious glare before turning to face Joey. 

“I don’t usually,” she said. “I’m just filling in for my sister because she has the flu.”

Joey sighed as Alana narrowed her eyes at Evan again. She put a hand on her hip and stared at him like she thought he was about to projectile vomit all over the place.

Which was possibly fair. Joey felt light-headed as he watched Evan.

Evan really didn’t look good at all. No wonder Alana kept eyeing the mop leaning against the counter.

“Okay,” Joey decided. He stood up and pocketed his phone. “I think we’re going to head out, so you can cancel that...”

His lips pursed as he tried to remember if they’d already ordered. He was fairly certain they had not.

“Do you want a paper bag in case he throws up in the car?” Alana offered. 

Joey shook his head and hurried around the table to help Evan slide out of the booth. That proved to be harder than he’d expected. Evan didn’t seem to feel up to moving.

Joey wondered what he should do about that. He didn’t want to force Evan to move, but he didn’t think it was a good idea for them to stay there either. Evan ended up making the decision for him when he finally pulled himself together enough to stand up.

Alana went back to the counter when she saw that they were going. Joey could feel her watching them until they left the diner.

He stayed next to Evan until they reached his car. Evan’s silence was unnerving. The silence coupled with the paleness made Joey wonder if he should run back inside and get a bag from Alana.

“You okay?” Joey whispered.

Evan didn’t react for a moment. His head was down and his shoulders were twitching and Joey really didn’t know what to make of that. 

He finally managed to nod. It was a weak nod, but a nod nonetheless. 

“You’re not going to be sick, are you?” Joey asked in the lightest tone he could manage.

Evan shook his head. He swallowed audibly and put a hand to his chest as he sucked in a breath.

Joey bit his lip as he tried to figure out how likely it was that Evan was about to throw up.

“You didn’t eat an entire bag of marshmallows today, did you?” Joey grinned. “Because I would’ve thought you’d learned that lesson after I...”

Joey stopped speaking when he realized that Evan was having trouble breathing. He swallowed uncomfortably. Something was wrong. He was starting to get the feeling this had nothing to do with Evan’s stomach.

He reached for his phone to look up the symptoms of a panic attack, but it buzzed before he had a chance.

The sound made Evan jump in a way that made Joey cringe. 

He put his phone down and took a breath. This had started after he got the text from Pete asking if they wanted to come over. He’d told Evan that everyone was hanging out at Pete’s house and...

That was when Evan started to look pale. 

Joey felt guilty when he realized that. He knew how Evan was. He knew he liked to know what was coming, that he didn’t like having things like this thrown at him unexpectedly. 

He should’ve told Pete he was busy and left it at that. He shouldn’t have even mentioned it to Evan.

Joey picked up his phone. “I’m just going to tell Pete we’re not coming and...”

His voice trailed off when he saw that Evan was gawking at him.

“It’sokaywecanstillgoyoucanstillgoIcangohomeIwanttogohome.”

Joey nodded like he knew exactly what Evan had said. He was only slightly surprised when he realized that he actually had.

“Okay,” Joey said calmly. “I’ll take you home.”

He didn’t start the car right away. He waited and watched as Evan closed his eyes and breathed in and out. In and out. Over and over again until he opened his eyes and squinted at the vent in front of him. He squinted at it like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

“There’s nothing in there,” Joey said.

Evan swallowed and breathed and turned to look at him. “What?”

“There’s nothing in there,” Joey repeated. He tilted his head to study the vent. “I don’t think I could fit anything in there. Or... I don’t know. A piece of gum, maybe?” 

He shook his head as a thought occurred to him. “I bet Connor’s tried to put a joint in his. He probably has joints in all the vents in his car.”

Evan blinked at him like he’d suddenly started speaking a different language. He blinked until his brain processed what Joey was saying. He nodded rapidly. “Oh. Right. The vents.”

Joey nodded too. His eyes flickered back towards the diner. Alana was watching them while she pretended to wipe a table by the window. Joey decided not to point that out.

Evan breathed in deeply and stretched his arms out in front of him. He stared at his fingers as he wiggled them up and down.

“You okay?” Joey asked softly.

“Yeah, sorry,” Evan muttered.

Joey didn’t say anything for a moment. He didn’t know what to say. He knew he had to say something, but he didn’t want to make things worse. He was terrified of making things worse.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Joey said. He breathed in through his nose and resisted the urge to look away. “Was that a...”

He changed his mind before he finished the question. He changed it, but he could tell it was too late. He could tell Evan knew what he was asking.

“A panic attack,” Evan finished. “Yeah. I, uh, I have them sometimes.”

“Okay,” Joey nodded. “Are you-”

“They’re stupid,” Evan blurted out. “I know that. I know they’re stupid. I just... I can’t help it. They happen sometimes and I can’t help it. I don’t know why. I mean, I know why. This time, I knew why. So, that’s progress, right? I’ll have to tell Dr. Sherman I knew why it happened. He’ll be proud. He’ll look at me and tap his notebook and smile like I had a breakthrough if I tell him I panicked when you said we were going to Pete’s. Even though it doesn’t make any sense. Even though it was unbelievably stupid because I know Pete. I know those guys. We see them every day. We sit with them every day. There was no reason, no logical reason, for me to react like that. I just... You can still go if you want. I can-I can take the bus. There’s a bus stop near here, isn’t there? I can take the bus and you can go and...”

Evan wheezed when he finally slowed down enough to take a breath. His shoulders shook and he looked at Joey like...

Joey didn’t know how to categorize that look. He looked sad and scared and resigned. Joey felt dizzy when he saw that. Evan thought he was going to ditch him. Possibly forever.

“Hey,” Joey murmured. “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. And I’m definitely not leaving you here alone. Do you still want me to take you home?”

Evan nodded slightly. “But Pete-”

“Pete isn’t my best friend.”

“But-”

“And it wasn’t stupid.”

“Yeah, it was,” Evan scoffed. He rolled his shoulders and stared up at the ceiling.

“It wasn’t. Your feelings are never stupid.”

“Okay,” Evan mumbled. 

Joey looked him in the eye. “I’m serious. It’s-”

“I know. Dr. Sherman’s always saying that. That my feelings are real and I shouldn’t ignore them or deny them or...” Evan shrugged.

“Dr. Sherman’s your...”

“Therapist,” Evan filled in. “Yeah. I’m in therapy. I have been for over a year.”

Joey swallowed sharply when he saw how embarrassed Evan looked. He looked like he’d just admitted that he still wet the bed.

“Hey,” Joey said. “That’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Evan didn’t say anything. He stared at his hands like he didn’t believe Joey, like he wasn’t capable of believing Joey.

Joey took a breath and thought about Aunt Nadine and everything she was struggling with. He thought about Connor and all of the attempts they’d made to get him help. 

He thought about saying that out loud, but he didn’t know if it would help. He didn’t know if it was his place to mention those things. He wished he knew. He really wished he knew.

He thought about how he’d feel if this had happened to him. He’d want to feel like things were still normal, like nothing had changed, like his friend wasn’t seeing him differently.

He nodded to himself when he realized that he wasn’t seeing Evan differently. Evan was still Evan. This actually explained some things. It definitely explained some of the quirks he’d noticed.

He looked at Evan out of the corner of his eye. “So, you want to go home?”

“Yeah,” Evan nodded. “I need to go home anyway. I forgot to take Ranger out earlier.”

“Can I go with you?” Joey asked eagerly. His stomach dropped when he saw the look on Evan’s face. “Not because of... I want to take pictures of Ranger.”

“Why?” 

“To show my mom. Zoe and I are trying to convince her to let us get a dog.”

“You think your mom would want a dog like Ranger? Wouldn’t she prefer a purebred?”

“Maybe,” Joey shrugged. “I don’t know. Mainly, I want to show her that I’m able to walk a dog.”

“She doesn’t already know that?”

Joey shook his head sadly. “She’s convinced we won’t take proper care of the dog and she’ll get stuck with it. All because we killed our goldfish when we were eight.”

Evan let out a surprised snort. “You killed your goldfish?”

“Not on purpose!” Joey hissed. He grinned as he started the car. “It’s actually a funny story. Well, not funny-funny. More like long and sort of funny.”

He looked at Evan to gauge his interest. Evan caught his eye and nodded for him to continue.

“Okay,” Joey breathed. “So, it all started the day that Connor quit karate...”


	10. Senior Year - MLK Day

**Senior Year – Martin Luther King Day (takes place during chapter 22 of _Hansen Investigations_ ) **

Evan talked in his sleep. He didn’t say full sentences. He didn’t even say words. Real words, that was. Real words that belonged to a language Connor could understand.

He mainly mumbled a lot of gibberish. He said it with such conviction though that Connor really wondered what was going on in his head.

Connor tried and failed not to laugh as Evan kicked the couch again. He wondered if he was having another ninja spider dream.

He thought about asking Evan when he woke up, but then it struck him that that may seem strange. It might seem strange to admit that he’d seen Evan kick the couch. It might seem like he’d been watching him sleep. Which he had not. He had not been watching him sleep. It was just really hard not to notice when the person next to him kept mumbling and trying to kill a cushion.

He thought about going somewhere else. The kitchen, maybe? The kitchen would be safe. It would seem like he was snooping if he went anywhere else. 

Except he didn’t feel like getting up. He was comfortable and he had everything set up the way he liked it. He had his laptop out so he could finish his research and his phone was charging and the light next to the tv was bright enough that he could see but not so bright that it would wake Evan.

Even Ranger seemed comfortable sprawled out across his feet. That was the deciding factor for Connor. It wasn’t that he was scared of Ranger, but he thought it was best not to disturb the dog, especially while Evan wasn’t available to call him off.

The sound of his phone ringing made Connor jump. It broke the silence in a way that caused his heart to speed up.

Someone was calling him. Actually calling him. It had to be one of his parents.

It was his mother. He sighed and eyed the phone and debated whether he could get away with ignoring the call. He decided that he couldn’t or, rather, that he shouldn’t. She’d just keep trying if he didn’t pick up.

She rushed through the necessary pleasantries and got right to her point. She wanted to know if he’d be home for dinner.

Connor frowned as he stared out the window. The snow had stopped and Evan’s street had been plowed, but it still looked icy out there. 

“That depends,” Connor said. “Is Dad going to come get me?”

He knew his question had caught his mother off-guard when she didn’t respond right away. He hadn’t actually meant it. He didn’t actually want his father to come get him. 

“Is he going to get Zoe?” Connor asked.

He felt like cursing when he heard his mother breathe in sharply. He could picture her eyes widening as she realized where he was coming from. He hated that she was right. He hated that he felt the need to test his theory, that he felt the need to prove Zoe was the favorite, that his parents wanted her to come home, that they didn’t care if he stayed out.

“Zoe decided to stay at Nicole’s.” 

There was a pause, a moment of silence while his mother wrestled with what to say next. Connor thought about changing the subject. He thought about making it easier for her. 

He didn’t say a thing.

“We only offered to go get Zoe because you know how your sister is. She refuses to drive in the snow. She’ll be stuck at Nicole’s until the roads are clear if we don’t pick her up.”

Connor stared at his hands. He thought that it was interesting that she used the word ‘we.’ 

“I’m going to stay at Evan’s,” Connor decided. 

“You’re still at Evan’s?”

Connor resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He resisted the urge to ask her where she thought he was. Did she really think he was out wandering around in the storm? 

Of course, she did. She probably thought he was out there, roaming around and doing all sorts of things he wasn’t supposed to do.

It suddenly occurred to him that staying at Evan’s house may actually be one of those things. He shrugged when he realized he didn’t care if it was. 

“Is he right there?” Cynthia asked. “Can I speak to him?”

Connor did a double take at that. “Why?”

“I want to tell him about the memorial.”

Connor nodded slowly. The memorial fountain. She wanted to tell Evan about the memorial fountain.

Because, despite everything, Evan had been Joey’s best friend. He had a right to know that there was going to be yet another service in Joey’s honor.

“He’s asleep,” Connor said.

He shook his head when his mother paused again. He could practically hear the wheels turning in her head as she processed the fact that Evan had fallen asleep this early. He wondered if she’d been talking to Zoe about them.

“He fell asleep after we finished watching _A Very Potter Musical_.” 

He shook his head again when he heard his mother breathe in excitedly. He knew what she was thinking. She was thinking about how excited Joey had been when he discovered the musical. She was thinking about how Joey had watched it with Connor and Zoe. She was thinking about how that had been one of the last times the three of them had hung out and acted like the close, picture-perfect siblings their mother wished they were. 

“Oh,” Cynthia sighed. “You were-”

“He’d never seen it,” Connor said quickly. “I can’t believe Joey never made him watch it.”

His stomach dropped when he realized what he’d said. He’d been thinking it all afternoon, ever since he found out that Evan had never seen the show. Saying it out loud to his mother somehow made him feel worse though.

“I’ll tell Evan about the fountain when he wakes up,” Connor promised.

His mother thanked him and made him promise to check in later. He reluctantly agreed before he hung up.

Ranger seemed to take that as his cue to ask for his dinner. At least, that was what Connor assumed the whimpering meant.

He glanced at Evan expectantly, like the sound of his dog begging for his supper would be enough to make Evan get up.

It wasn’t though. Evan didn’t even punch the pillow again.

Connor followed Ranger into the kitchen when it became clear that Evan wasn’t stirring.

“I hope your food is clearly labeled,” Connor muttered as he wandered around the room.

It was, thankfully. Connor didn’t know what he would’ve done if it hadn’t been. He’d never had much luck with animals. This very easily could’ve been like the twins’ goldfish all over again.

He went back to the couch and scrolled through his texts while Ranger devoured his food.

Lena had been texting him all afternoon. That wasn’t unusual. She did that sometimes. He had a feeling she had a rotating roster of people she flooded with texts. He didn’t know how he felt about being on that list. He didn’t think it would matter if he asked her to stop.

He responded sometimes. Lately, he’d been responding more and more. He didn’t know why. Probably because it didn’t feel real. He never saw her. Their paths never actually crossed. It was like she existed solely in his phone.

He knew she didn’t. She sent him enough pictures that he knew she was out there. She was always asking him to come by the club for a chat. He never did though. He was fine keeping things the way they were.

His phone rang as he was reading a series of texts about her new haircut. Apparently, she was already regretting her decision to cut her hair. She was worried that it was going to mess with her tips.

“I have no idea how your hair length will effect your tips,” Connor answered when he saw that Lena was calling him.

“There’s a detective here,” Lena hissed into the phone. Her voice sounded muffled, like she was covering her mouth with her hand. “He’s asking us questions about your uncle.”

Connor’s spine went rigid as he pulled himself up. “What?”

“He’s asking-”

“What kind of questions?”

“I don’t know,” Lena whispered. “I ducked into the bathroom to call you as soon as I heard.”

Connor nodded numbly. “He’s probably working for my aunt Nadine.”

“Do you want me to find out?”

“No,” Connor said. “It’s okay. Evan said she’s trying to-”

“Evan said?” Lena cooed. 

Connor automatically glanced to his left. Evan was still dead to the world. He closed his eyes and nodded to himself when he saw that.

“He said she came to see his mom. She’s trying to dig up dirt on Kevin.”

“Well, she’ll get it here,” Lena snorted. “Trust me. Kevin Murphy is by far our most famous customer. He has a thing for-”

“I don’t want to know,” Connor interrupted sharply. “He’s my uncle.”

“Okay,” Lena drawled. “Suit yourself.”

Connor breathed in quickly as Evan stretched in his sleep. He opened his mouth to tell Lena he had to go, but she continued on before he had a chance.

“What’re you doing tonight?”

Connor’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Why?”

“You should come down here. There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

And there it was. She was trying to set him up. Again. For the...

He didn’t even know how many times she’d tried this. 

He didn’t know how many other ways there were for him to tell her he wasn’t interested.

“I have to go,” Connor said shortly.

“Why? What’re you doing?” There was a pause as she realized why he wasn’t answering. “You’re with Evan?”

“I’m at his house.”

“Bring him with you if you want. Maybe seeing Quentin throw himself at you will-”

“I have to go,” Connor snapped. He rubbed his forehead irritably. He could practically hear her grinning at him.

“All right, fine,” Lena sighed. “Don’t say I didn’t try.”

Connor hung up without bothering to respond. Lena wouldn’t mind. He didn’t expect this to stop her from flooding his phone with texts. He had a feeling she’d fill him in as soon as she finished talking to the detective.

He didn’t mind her updates. Not really anyway. He wished she’d stop trying to pair him up with every gay guy she knew though.

She didn’t get it. He knew that was on him. It was at least partially on him. He should try to explain it to her. She might stop trying to set him up if he explained it.

The problem was that he didn’t get it himself. Not completely anyway. 

He hated this. This kind of thing never used to bother him. He never even used to think about these things. He blamed Dr. Miller. Being forced to discuss his feelings, to analyze them and try to understand them, had made him curious. It had made him dive into the deep end and look up things he’d never felt the need to look up.

It made him realize that he was probably demisexual. He felt like that label came the closest to describing him anyway. It explained why he hated the idea of being set up with Lena’s friends. The thought of going out with someone he didn’t know, with someone Lena thought he’d look cute with, was so unappealing that he didn’t even like to think about it. 

It explained why he’d never gotten it when people had celebrity crushes. Or crushes in general. 

It explained why the Evan thing was getting more confusing every day. 

He liked Evan. He knew that. He wasn’t sure how he would categorize his feelings though. He didn’t know if he was attached to Evan because he was the first real friend he’d made. He didn’t know if it had anything to do with Joey, with missing Joey and wanting to fill the void his brother had left behind. 

Evan was the first person who’d made him think that maybe he was wrong. Maybe the world hadn’t turned its back on him before he decided to turn his back on it. Maybe he could’ve had friends all along if he’d tried.

Or maybe it was just Evan. Evan was different or...

He didn’t like to think about the Evan thing because it was easier not to think about it. Nothing could come of it. His life would be a lot easier if he could definitively decide that Zoe and Lena were wrong, that Evan was just his friend.

He tried to ignore the nagging feeling that there was a reason why he couldn’t definitively decide that.

He was relieved when the doorbell rang because it disrupted his thoughts. He was relieved even though it made him jump. He was relieved even though it made Ranger come charging out of the kitchen and bark like the house was under attack. 

He swallowed his laughter when he saw that the sound of the doorbell ringing had done the trick. Evan was finally awake.

He watched as Evan bolted up and blinked and yawned and mumbled something incoherent in his sleepy language.

He watched as Evan turned to him and blinked even harder. “Fall asleep?”

“Yes,” Connor smirked. “You did fall asleep.”


	11. Junior Year - Halloween

**Junior Year – Halloween**

So this was a party.

Evan sucked in a breath and clutched his cup and willed himself not to look too out of place.

He wasn’t out of place. He tried telling himself that again. He was allowed to be there. He’d been invited.

Okay, technically Joey had been invited, but that meant he was allowed to be there. If someone questioned that, he could laugh and shrug and say that he’d come with the twins. They’d have to accept that. They’d have to accept that he was allowed to be at Sarah’s party.

He lifted his cup and took what he hoped was a casual sip. He nodded his head like he was nodding to the beat, like he recognized the song, like he could actually hear the melody behind the bass.

He didn’t know what to do with himself. He was starting to get the feeling that Joey wasn’t coming back. It had been fifteen minutes since Joey went to get another drink. The drinks were on the porch. Evan could see the porch from where he was sitting. There was no logical reason why it would take Joey fifteen minutes to get a drink.

He wondered if Joey was still outside. He wondered if he should try to find him.

He didn’t want to try to find Joey. He didn’t want to leave his spot in case Joey came back. He didn’t want to leave it because he felt safe sitting by the fish tank. 

Well, not safe, maybe, but as close to safe as he thought he could feel given the circumstances.

He had to admit that this actually wasn’t as stressful as some of the other things he’d gone to with the twins. There was less pressure. Sarah’s house was packed and people were drinking and carrying on in a way that made him feel like it was highly unlikely that anyone was paying attention to what he was doing.

That thought was somehow comforting and familiar and terrifying and frustrating.

Wasn’t this what he’d always wanted? To be out on a Saturday night? To be out with friends? To be part of the in crowd?

Though, in all honesty, he kind of felt like referring to them as the in crowd, even in his head, pretty much cemented the fact that he wasn’t one of them.

He shifted in his seat as a wave of restlessness spread through him again. He checked his phone like there was a chance that there was something there. Like there was a chance that someone had texted him. Like the only person who texted him regularly, besides his mom, hadn’t wandered off and left him by a fish tank.

He wondered if this would be more fun if he had a drink. A drink that wasn’t a soda. He shook his head and forced that thought out as soon as it occurred to him. 

There were several reasons he didn’t drink or smoke. His medicine, for one. He didn’t know how it would interact with alcohol. He’d never bothered to look it up and he wasn’t about to ask Dr. Sherman or his mother. He couldn’t imagine how that conversation would go. He couldn’t imagine broaching the subject with either of them.

And then there was the control issue. He liked being in control of his actions. He didn’t want to do something that would lower his inhibitions. He was certain that could only lead to disaster.

He wondered if that was why Joey had abandoned him. Zoe had driven, so there was nothing stopping Joey from getting wasted. There was nothing...

Evan swallowed dryly and stared at his phone like he could will Joey to text him and tell him to come outside.

Nothing happened though. Of course, nothing happened. He hadn’t actually expected that to work. He wasn’t really a wizard after all.

He opened his messages and scrolled down to his mom’s thread. He tried to remember what she was working on that night. She’d be happy to hear from him if she was dealing with a stack of paperwork. She’d be dying for a distraction by now. 

She’d be annoyed if she was on a stakeout. She’d be really annoyed if his text popped up at the worst possible moment. What if she was chasing a bad guy or hiding in a dark room or...

He looked up when he felt the sofa sag next to him.

Tracy Jacobs bit her lip as she eyed his phone. “Am I interrupting?”

Evan shook his head. “No, I, uh-”

“Oh, good,” Tracy sighed. “I was hoping you were just pretending to text too.”

“I wasn’t...” Evan stopped himself when he saw the look on Tracy’s face. “I was about to text my mom actually.”

Tracy tilted her head to study him. “You were-”

“So I’d have something to do. Not because there’s an emergency or...” Evan chuckled awkwardly and scratched at his neck.

“I’ve been typing memos to myself for the last ten minutes,” Tracy whispered. 

Evan snorted and nodded knowingly. “Where’s John?”

“No idea,” Tracy shrugged. “I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“Joey went to get a drink twenty minutes ago.”

Tracy gestured towards the basement. “I think I saw him go downstairs with Pete. They’re playing games down there.”

“Games?”

“Yeah,” Tracy muttered. She glanced around quickly and sighed again. “Are you having as much fun as I am?”

Evan shook his head. “This isn’t really, uh... I mean, the costume part was fun. I, uh, I like your ruby slippers.”

Tracy beamed as she looked down at her outfit. She pulled herself back to examine him. “Who’re you supposed to be? Harry Potter?”

“Ron Weasley,” Evan corrected. “Joey’s Harry. Zoe came as Hermione. We had a whole plan except they... you know.”

“I think Zoe’s in the living room with her friends.”

Evan shrugged because it didn’t matter. He was fine being around Zoe when Joey was there because it was easy. Easier. He could talk to her when Joey was around at least. He didn’t think he’d have much luck while Joey was in the basement, especially if she was with her friends.

Tracy folded her arms across her chest and slumped down in her seat. “I wish Alana came with us. I should’ve made him come. I should’ve gone to her house and sat there, honking my horn, until she put down her book and got dressed.”

“Why didn’t she come?”

“I don’t know,” Tracy pouted. “She said she has too much to do this weekend. That’s probably true, but then when is it not?”

Tracy exhaled sharply so that her bangs puffed up. “Honestly, I...”

Her voice trailed off as she spotted someone across the room. She stood up and smiled apologetically. “There’s John. I should... Do you want to, uh...”

Evan shook his head. “Go ahead. I’ll be fine.”

Tracy gave him another weak smile. “Why don’t you go downstairs? I heard they’re pulling out the Ouija board.”

Tracy shuddered like the idea repulsed her and went to meet John.

Evan stared at his cup as he absentmindedly made the liquid swirl. He glanced around the room and weighed his options. He could go downstairs and look for Joey. He could participate in whatever games were being played down there. 

Or he could go to the living room and try to work up the nerve to join Zoe’s group. He could stand near her and hope she noticed. That she noticed and motioned for him to come over.

Or he could outside. He could go outside and wander around the yard and look at the trees. 

Make that the trees and the decorations. If anyone asked, he would tell them he was admiring Sarah’s Halloween decorations.

 

It was a nice night. Or maybe it just felt nice after being inside for so long. Evan could feel his chest relax the second he breathed in air that was not infused with weed.

He wandered around for a bit before sitting down on the curb. He didn’t know what else to do. He wasn’t sure where else he should go. He wasn’t the only one outside, but he only vaguely recognized the other people who were standing around the lawn. He didn’t know them well enough that he felt comfortable approaching them. He couldn’t imagine trying that without Joey there. 

He wondered where Joey was. He tried not to feel abandoned, even though he knew that was kind of pointless. He did feel abandoned. He wasn’t going to stop feeling abandoned, no matter how hard he tried.

Which was ridiculous. It wasn’t like they’d made a pact to stick together the whole night. And it wasn’t Joey’s job to babysit him, to make sure his anxiety didn’t take over. 

He shouldn’t have come. He should’ve stayed home. He didn’t know why he’d thought this was a good idea. He didn’t know why he’d ever thought it would be a good idea for him to go to something like this.

It had been kind of fun at first. Coming up with a costume idea. Listening as the twins bickered. Laughing as Joey decided they should go as Luke, Leia, and Han. Watching as Zoe refused and they argued back and forth until they finally settled on the Harry Potter costumes. Walking into the party with them and feeling like he belonged, like he was actually part of a group.

At least he had his phone. He didn’t know what he’d do without that. He stared at the screen and debated which game to play. He hoped the battery wouldn’t die before the twins were ready to go.

He nearly dropped the phone when he sensed someone plopping down beside him. He blinked as he turned to face Zoe.

“Okay, is it just me or does the person controlling the music in there have the worst taste in music ever?”

Evan could feel his mouth opening and closing several times while he tried to think of a response. He forced it closed and tried to breathe in through his nose. That didn’t help matters. It just made him let out a weird choking sound. 

“I mean, seriously?” Zoe laughed. “Even my parents don’t listen to that crap and they like...” 

She frowned as she tilted her head at him. “Are you okay?”

Evan held up a hand while he coughed. “Yeah, uh...” He shook his head and tried again. “You want to do a video about it? You and Joey, I mean. We could, uh, do a video where you-”

“Educate the masses about what counts as good music?” Zoe’s eyes lit up as she grinned at him. “I’ll have to make it a solo one or else it’ll turn into twenty minutes of me and Joey arguing about whether Beyoncé really is the queen of pop.”

“He does love his Beyoncé,” Evan nodded solemnly. 

Zoe squinted as she looked around expectantly. “Where is Joey?” 

“I don’t know,” Evan shrugged.

Zoe nodded knowingly. “I bet he went upstairs. He always does this.”

“Does what?”

“Finds a girl to...” Zoe wrinkled her nose like the end of that sentence disgusted her.

“Oh,” Evan muttered. He glanced around uncertainly. “Where are your friends?”

“Inside. I needed some air. The house smells worse than Connor’s room.”

“I hope my mom’s asleep when I get back. She’ll think I was smoking if she smells my clothes.”

“We have a fabric spray in the car,” Zoe told him. “Joey keeps it there for Connor, so he doesn’t reek when we take him home.”

Evan stared at his hands. There was a definite edge to her tone when she said that. He knew Connor was a touchy subject for the twins. He knew they almost never agreed on the best ways to help him. 

He glanced at her curiously as he tried to think of a new topic. “So, what do you have against Star Wars?”

“Nothing,” Zoe sniffed. “I just didn’t feel like doing yet another twin costume.”

Evan tried to keep his face blank as he pictured the twins’ previous costumes. He swallowed harshly and watched his feet as they twitched in front of him. 

Zoe held up her fingers while she listed the costumes. “Mickey and Minnie, Salt and Pepper, Thing 1 and Thing 2, Peter Pan and Tinkerbell... I could go on. I’m glad you’re with us this year. It shakes things up a bit.”

“Did Connor ever...” Evan stopped himself when he realized what he was asking. He breathed in shakily and glared at his foot as it tapped against the curb.

Zoe shook her head. “He always did his own thing when we were kids and he hasn’t exactly been the costume type for a few years now. Joey was hoping he’d come with us this year because of the Harry Potter theme.”

Zoe leaned back on her hands and squinted at the moon. “Connor’s the reason Joey likes Harry Potter, you know. He got into it because Connor was into it. Because he used to want to do everything that Connor did. It drove Connor crazy.”

“He’s his big brother,” Evan pointed out. “I don’t have a big brother, but isn’t that kind of the norm?”

Zoe made a face like that didn’t mean anything in her book. “I guess. I don’t know. Connor wasn’t always...” She wrinkled her nose again. “I don’t want to talk about Connor.”

“Okay,” Evan agreed. His mind went blank as he searched for another subject. He was about to ask what she wanted to talk about when he noticed that she was pulling herself off the ground.

“Here he comes,” Zoe grinned as she watched Joey stagger across the lawn towards them. “Don’t tell me you’re drunk. I’m not helping you sneak through your window again.”

“I’m not drunk,” Joey said swiftly. His brow furrowed as he studied Evan’s expression. “Hey, sorry. I got caught up in-”

Zoe stepped forward to poke at his collar. “A cheerleader? Really? Which one?”

Joey slapped her hand away. “What? How can you...”

“The lipstick,” Zoe laughed. “Only the cheerleaders are allowed to wear that shade.” 

She rolled her eyes when she saw how the boys were blinking at her. “It’s a girl thing.” 

“Okay,” Joey drawled. He narrowed his eyes at Zoe as she tried to sniff him. “I’m not drunk! I am ready to go though. Do you guys want to get out of here?”

“Sure,” Zoe shrugged. Her eyes widened when she glanced at her watch. “It’s still early. You want to go to Louie’s?”

Joey nodded vaguely. “We should do something. May as well take advantage while we can. Dad’s away and Mom went out with her girlfriends. She won’t be home for hours.”

“Louie’s it is,” Zoe decided. She fished around for her keys as she led the way down the street.

Joey stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and grabbed Evan’s arm. “Hey, listen, I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to... you know. I was planning to come back, but...”

“You were ambushed by a cheerleader?”

Joey grabbed at his chest dramatically. “I couldn’t stop the onslaught!”

“It’s okay,” Evan assured him. 

“You sure?” Joey chewed his lip anxiously. 

Evan nodded as he watched Zoe unlock the car. “Yeah. It’s fine. I’m okay.”


	12. Senior Year - February

**Senior Year – February (takes place during chapter 24 of _Hansen Investigations_ )**

Alana was at a loss for words, which really wasn’t that unusual. She had a feeling that was one of the things people didn’t understand about her. They thought she was one of those girls who was totally put together and collected and always knew what to say.

At least, that was what she thought they thought. When they bothered to think about her, that was. Which they almost never did. She was certain of that.

She didn’t know what to say because she didn’t know what was happening. Not completely anyway. 

She never knew what to say when she didn’t understand something. She never knew what to say to her peers when she didn’t have a specific goal in mind. She didn’t get how to make casual small talk without sounding weird and awkward and everything that she tried so hard not to be.

It wasn’t that she was shy. She definitely wasn’t that. She just wasn’t used to things like this. Her classmates had never given her the chance to get used to things like this. So, it really wasn’t her fault that she wasn’t used to being in a car with two guys she only sort of knew.

In the end, it didn’t matter that she didn’t know what to say though because Jared was the one who broke the silence. She supposed that shouldn’t have been a surprise.

“Oh my God,” Jared gasped. “They’re live blogging it. Channel 23 is actually live blogging what’s happening on the bridge.”

Evan twisted around to look at Jared. “What?”

“She jumped,” Jared whispered. “Nadine Murphy actually jumped off the bridge.”

“It’s been confirmed?”

“Pretty much. Wow. This is insane. We were, like, the last people to see her before she...” Jared lifted a hand to his neck and pretended to slit his throat.

“Jared,” Evan warned.

“What? It’s nuts. This whole thing is... I’m starting to see why you’re so obsessed with that family.”

“I’m not obsessed!”

Jared snorted and leaned forward to raise his eyebrows at Evan. “Then what would you call it? You were best friends with Joey until he died. You went out with Zoe until that relationship imploded spectacularly. Which probably explains why you blame their parents for ruining your mom’s career.”

“I do not!” Evan squeaked.

“And now you and Connor are besties,” Jared finished triumphantly. 

Alana straightened herself up when she saw Evan’s expression. 

She knew how to handle this part. She knew how to shift the attention away from someone who clearly didn’t want people paying attention to him.

She glanced at the rearview mirror and caught Jared’s eye. “Is this your street?”

“Yeah,” Jared said quickly. “My house is the one at the end with the blue shutters.”

Jared shook his head as he looked at his phone. “Some year the Murphys are having, huh? First, Joey, then the stabbing, and now this.”

“Poor Kelsey,” Alana sighed. She shook her head sadly. 

She wondered if she should try reaching out to Kelsey. She didn’t have her number, but she was pretty sure they were Facebook friends. She could send her a message or write something on her wall.

“I got some good pictures of Nadine during the ceremony,” Jared said as he stared at his phone. “I wonder how much they’re worth now.”

Alana opened her mouth to scold him, but Evan beat her to it.

“You’re going to try to make money off of this?” Evan snapped. He turned around to glare at Jared. Alana let out a startled laugh when she saw Evan’s expression. She hadn’t realized he was capable of showing that much anger.

“I don’t know,” Jared shrugged. “Maybe. I mean, why not? It can’t hurt to try.”

Alana turned to face him as she pulled up in front of his house. “How would you feel if it was your mom?”

“Oh, please,” Jared scoffed. “My mom wouldn’t do something like that. If she decides to kill herself, she’ll do it quietly. She won’t go and make a spectacle of herself.”

“Jared,” Evan murmured.

“Fine,” Jared sighed. He rolled his eyes as he reached for the door. “I’ll be good.”

The fact that he used air quotes when he said the word ‘good’ was far from reassuring. 

Alana checked her phone before she pulled away from the curb. She’d heard it buzzing in her purse since they left the diner.

She wasn’t surprised to see that her sibling text thread had exploded. Alicia was freaking out about Nadine Murphy. She had somehow managed to convince herself that Nadine’s suicide was her fault.

Alana tried to follow her sister’s logic, but she couldn’t get there.

As far as she knew, Alicia had never met Nadine. She’d never even met Kelsey. She had nothing to do with this. Nothing except for the fact that she was friends with Maddie.

Apparently, Alicia was convinced that Nadine wouldn’t have jumped if she’d been a better friend and stopped Maddie from stabbing Kevin Murphy.

Alana shook her head and put her phone back in her purse. She didn’t bother responding. Alice was reacting enough for all of them. At this rate, she’d have a thousand texts waiting for her when she got home.

A thousand texts from her sisters who were probably sitting next to each other and staring blankly at the tv.

Evan was squinting at her when she looked up again. He frowned and asked if everything was okay.

“Yeah,” Alana nodded stiffly. “My sisters are just being stupid.”

“Oh,” Evan muttered. He smiled as he tilted his head. “So, are you going to go talk to Tracy now?”

Alana bit her lip and looked down. She’d forgotten all about Tracy.

Okay, she hadn’t forgotten. She didn’t think it was possible for her to forget about the Candy-gram. It had been on her mind all week.

She’d been trying not to think about it though because there were more important things to think about.

“I should go home,” Alana decided. “My sisters are spazzing out about all this.”

Evan’s face scrunched up like that statement made even less sense to him than it did to her.

“Don’t ask,” Alana muttered.

Evan didn’t say anything for a minute. He stayed silent until she reached the end of the road.

“You need to talk to her.”

Alana took a breath and squeezed the steering wheel. “I know...”

“Sooner rather than later. You shouldn’t keep putting it off.”

“I know,” Alana said. She closed her eyes when she realized that had come out sharper than she’d meant it to. “It’s just... It’s complicated.”

“Because she’s your friend?”

“Because...” Alana’s voice trailed off uncertainly.

“Because she kissed you to piss off her boyfriend?” 

Alana jumped when he said that. She was glad there was no one in front of her or she was sure she would’ve gotten into an accident.

“Her ex-boyfriend,” Evan quickly corrected.

Alana’s mouth dropped as she glanced at him. “She told you that?”

Her stomach felt heavy as she faced the road again. She couldn’t believe Tracy had told him that. She hadn’t realized that Tracy was friends with Evan. She hadn’t realized they were the kind of friends who told each other things like that.

Evan’s eyes widened like he was starting to regret going down this road, like he was starting to realize he was poking at something he shouldn’t be poking at.

Normally Alana would’ve let him off the hook and changed the subject, but her blood was boiling and her heart was pounding and her curiosity was rapidly getting the better of her.

“When did she tell you that? Why did she tell you that? What else did she...”

“She told me when I talked to her about your notes,” Evan said quietly.

Alana breathed in shakily. That had been months ago. She couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that Evan had known about the kiss for months. 

She wanted to ask exactly what Tracy had said. To demand that he tell her. She couldn’t make herself form the words though. 

She’d tried to forget about the kiss. She’d tried to pretend it was nothing, to convince herself that it had been nothing. 

She was sure Tracy had thought it was nothing.

But if Tracy had gone around blabbing about it to Evan Hansen, of all people, then maybe...

Alana shook her head and focused on the road. She kept her mouth firmly shut.

Evan didn’t say anything either. Alana wasn’t sure if that was because he didn’t have anything to say or if her posture was scaring him. She could feel her spine stiffening the way it did whenever Alicia said she was sitting like their grandmother. 

Which wasn’t a bad thing as far as Alana was concerned. Their grandmother had been sort of awesome in a fierce old lady kind of way. Alicia obviously thought it was an insult though.

Alana checked her phone again after she’d pulled up in front of Evan’s house.

Thirty new texts. That was at least 470 less than she’d been expecting. Her sisters must be getting tired of watching the news.

She smiled when she saw that Alan had finally chimed in. She sent her brother a quick text, thanking him for being the voice of reason this time.

Evan was watching her again when she put her phone down. She raised her eyebrows at him until he looked away.

“Okay, so, Tracy and I aren’t close or anything,” Evan said softly. “We became friends last year because we were, you know... We were in the same boat. Neither of us knew how to handle all the group dynamics and... whatever. I don’t know.”

Evan bit his lip and pushed back against his seat. “She’s the only one from that group, besides Zoe, who will even look at me these days. Willingly look at me. Actually look at me. Look, not glare.”

Alana nodded slightly. That didn’t surprise her. Tracy was nothing if not unfailingly nice.

“I think it says something that she kissed you when John’s friends told her to kiss the hottest person in the room. If she’d just wanted to mess with John, she would’ve gone with one of his friends.” Evan shrugged and reached for the handle. “But that’s just my opinion, for whatever that’s worth.”

Alana didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t say anything. She kept her eyes straight ahead until Evan was gone. She made herself look out the window long enough to wave at him before he went into his house.

She closed her eyes and debated where to go next. Alan had managed to calm their sisters, so she no longer felt like her presence was required at home.

She knew Evan had a point. She should talk to Tracy. She needed to acknowledge the Candy-gram. She needed to figure out if Tracy had meant it the way she...

The way she hoped Tracy meant it?

Alana wasn’t sure if that sounded right.

Tracy was her best friend, the only actual friend she had. 

That was another thing she thought people didn’t understand about her. They assumed that she was...

Not popular. She didn’t think anyone thought she was popular. Popular adjacent, maybe?

They thought she was popular adjacent because she was so active. Because she was in so many clubs and talked to so many people and always knew what was happening. 

Losing Tracy to the popular kids had felt like a punch to the gut. She’d resented John for taking Tracy from her last year. She’d been hurt that his group had accepted Tracy as one of their own. She’d been hurt that despite Tracy’s best efforts, they had only managed to tolerate Alana. To barely tolerate her.

To barely tolerate her when they’d bothered to notice her, that was.

Alana hated to admit that she’d been relieved to learn that Tracy was going to dump John, but it was true. She had been relieved. She’d been happy when she’d thought that she was going to get her best friend back. That things would go back to normal.

Except they hadn’t, had they? 

Things hadn’t gone back to the way they were before John. In some ways, she felt like she was closer to Tracy than she had been before John. And in some ways, she felt like there was a distance between them.

She wondered if that was due to the thing they needed to discuss. She had a feeling it probably did.

Her phone buzzed as she went to put to put the car in drive again.

She shook her head when she saw the text. Speak of the devil...

_My parents just left for the night. You want to finish watching OITNB?_

Alana still wasn’t sure what she was going to say to Tracy. She hadn’t been able to make herself come up with a script yet. She hadn’t even attempted to practice anything in her head.

She wasn’t sure how she felt or what she wanted. Not entirely anyway. 

She wasn’t sure if starting something with Tracy would be the worst idea she’d ever had or the best.

She knew she had to do something though. She knew she couldn’t keep ignoring this.

She also knew that Evan was right. This was Tracy she was talking about. She was going to be just fine.

She hit send before she could change her mind.

_Sure. I’ll be there in a few._


	13. Junior Year - New Year's Day

**Junior Year – New Year’s Day**

The house was quiet when Zoe got home. It was even quieter than she’d expected it to be. She knew her parents were out. Her mother had called to tell her they were going to brunch with the Harrises. 

She’d expected her brothers to be up by now though. This was late, even for them.

She went straight to the kitchen because she hadn’t had time to eat breakfast before Nicole’s family dropped her off. 

She froze in the doorway and absentmindedly scratched her neck. 

She wasn’t the only one up after all. Evan was standing at the kitchen counter in a t-shirt and shorts. 

Make that a t-shirt and boxers.

Zoe bit her lip and looked down when she realized that. She cleared her throat and dropped her backpack on the floor.

“Morning,” she muttered as she walked towards the fridge.

She didn’t need to look at Evan to know that his eyes were widening, that his cheeks were turning red.

And this was why it was a bad idea to start something with one of Joey’s friends. 

She had a feeling Evan was regretting his decision not to get dressed before coming downstairs.

“I thought you were staying at Nicole’s,” Evan sputtered.

“I was,” Zoe said. Her brow furrowed as she studied the inside of the fridge. “They just dropped me off. They’re going to a party at her grandmother’s house.”

“Oh.”

Zoe couldn’t blame him for not knowing what to say. She didn’t know what to say and she suspected that she had a better chance of knowing how to handle this kind of situation.

She didn’t know what to say to Evan – her friend, her brother’s best friend, the guy she had kissed twice – when he was standing in her kitchen in his underwear. She could feel her cheeks heating up too as she realized that it had been less than twelve hours since they’d kissed. 

She made a mental note that it was a bad idea to kiss her brother’s best friend when she knew that he was spending the night at her house. 

She took a breath and forced herself to look at him. “Joey’s not up yet?”

Evan shook his head. “Your parents are gone. Your mom told me to help myself to anything in the kitchen.”

“Oh, so you aren’t a cereal thief then?”

Zoe couldn’t help laughing as Evan choked on his cereal. “That was a joke.”

“I know,” Evan mumbled.

Zoe grabbed the box in front of him and poured herself a bowl. “Do you want to go somewhere?”

Evan’s head popped up so quickly that Zoe had to bite her lip to keep from laughing again.

He blinked at her and then at his clothes. “What?”

“I think we should talk.” Zoe smiled when she saw his expression. “Relax. I can’t break up with you when we aren’t officially dating.”

“Officially?” Evan repeated slowly. “Does that mean you think we’re unofficially dating?”

Zoe shrugged because she wasn’t sure. Truth be told, she really didn’t have much experience with this kind of thing. She’d gone out with a couple guys, but she’d never had a boyfriend. She’d never even gone out with someone she’d wanted to call her boyfriend.

She wasn’t sure that she wanted Evan to fill that role. She knew she liked him as a friend. She thought he was cute and funny and he actually listened to her. He actually seemed interested in what she had to say. 

She hated to admit it, but the fact that he was Joey-approved was a plus too. Joey was like a puppy in many ways. He liked everyone. Almost everyone. He found something nice to say about everyone he met.

He was semi-selective about the people he kept close to him though. Zoe couldn’t imagine that he would choose a best friend who was secretly a scumbag.

She wasn’t sure if this was a good idea or a bad idea or the most awkward, potentially disastrous idea she’d ever had, but she felt like she wanted to pursue it. She wanted to see if it was something worth pursuing.

She dropped her spoon in the bowl and stepped forward so that she was in Evan’s space. She smiled as he blinked at that. 

She put a hand on his arm and whispered, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Evan parroted. He swallowed audibly and looked around like he really wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be looking at. “So, uh, where do you want to go?”

Zoe laughed because she hadn’t gotten that far in her thinking. “I don’t know. I guess you should probably get dressed first...”

Evan snorted and nodded rapidly. “Probably a good idea.”

“We could...” Zoe squeezed her eyes shut when she heard the telltale sounds of one of her brothers stampeding down the stairs. Joey, judging from the speed he was moving at. She barely had a chance to move away from Evan before he came bursting through the door.

Joey froze when he noticed them. His mouth dropped and he nodded like he was trying to process what he was seeing.

“Okay,” Joey breathed. “So this is happening.”

Joey shook his head as he headed towards the pop tarts. “I mean, I kind of figured it might be, but, uh...”

Evan slurped the rest of his cereal and put the bowl in the dishwasher. “I’m going to go get dressed.”

Joey spun around to face them. He put a hand up to stop Evan. “Hold up. I think we need to establish some rules first.”

Zoe folded her arms across her chest and raised her eyebrows skeptically. “Rules?”

“If you guys are going to-”

“We aren’t-” Zoe started. She breathed in sharply and looked Joey in the eye. “There’s nothing-”

“You’ve kissed at least two times,” Joey interrupted. “Right in front of me, I might add. So don’t even think about telling me there’s nothing happening between you.”

Zoe chanced a glance at Evan. He looked guilty. He looked like he wanted to run away and never speak to either of them ever again.

Joey picked up on that too. Zoe knew that when she looked at her brother.

“I’m okay with it,” Joey said quickly. “If you guys are okay with it, then who am I to stand in your way?”

Zoe resisted the urge to point out that there was no way he could stand in her way if it was something she really wanted. Partially because he was being nice and that would sound rude. Mostly because she had a feeling that statement would turn Evan into a stammering mess.

“Okay,” Zoe sighed. “So, what kind of rules are we talking about then?”

“First of all, no PDA.” He narrowed his eyes when he saw that Zoe was rolling hers. “I’m serious. If you wouldn’t do it in front of Mom, don’t do it in front of me.”

“Okay,” Evan nodded swiftly. “That sounds fair.”

Zoe put a hand on her hip and tilted her head at her brother. “Those are two very different statements. I’d hold hands with Evan in front of Mom.”

She bit her lip to hide her smile when she saw how those words made Evan gape at her. “Are you saying no PDA of any kind or-”

“Nothing that couldn’t happen in a kids’ movie,” Joey amended. “Nothing that makes me want to tell you to get a room.”

Zoe nodded slowly. “Okay. I can agree to that.”

She couldn’t blame him for that one. She’d walked in on him one time when he’d been kissing Hilary Dumont and it had been one of the most uncomfortable minutes of her life.

And she hadn’t even been friends with Hilary. She couldn’t imagine how she’d feel if he liked Nicole or Maya or Jenny.

“Next rule,” Joey continued. “I don’t want to hear about it. About any of it. The ups, the downs. The good, the bad. If you guys get in a fight, don’t even think about making me choose a side.”

Zoe nodded again. “Okay. Fair enough.”

Joey stared at Evan expectantly.

Evan’s shoulders shook as he met Joey’s stare. “I won’t talk to you about Zoe! I’ve never talked to you about Zoe. She’s your sister. I wouldn’t talk to you about your sister!”

He said that so quickly that Zoe wasn’t sure she’d understood all of it. Joey did though. He nodded solemnly and leaned back against the counter.

“You haven’t said anything about her specifically,” Joey smirked. “You’ve alluded to the subject though. You’ve dropped hints and tiptoed around it and oh-so-casually wondered if she’s seeing anyone.”

Evan’s face went red at that. So red that Zoe decided to have pity on him and look away.

“Okay, fine,” Evan huffed. “I guess I could’ve been a bit less obvious.”

“A bit?” Joey laughed. He shook his head and grinned at Evan. “It’s cool. I know what it’s like to have a crush.”

Zoe’s heart skipped a beat at that. It confirmed what she’d suspected for a while. Evan really did like her.

She liked that he liked her. She smiled to herself when she realized that. She liked that he liked her because she really did like him.

They needed to talk about this. 

They needed to figure it out. As in the two of them. As in the two of them, alone together, without Joey butting in.

She straightened herself up to stare Joey down. “Are there any other rules?”

“Just one,” Joey said. “Don’t push me out.”

Zoe could feel herself deflate when he said that. She wasn’t the only one. She glanced at Evan out of the corner of her eye and saw that he was gawking at Joey.

“That’s not going to happen,” Evan said firmly. 

“Definitely not,” Zoe agreed. 

Joey smiled weakly. “Okay... Make sure it doesn’t.”

“Did Ron and Hermione push Harry away?” Evan asked. “No. Harry was still their best friend. That didn’t change after they got together.”

“Well, when you put it that way...”

Zoe looked between the two of them. She wasn’t sure what was happening. It was like they were having a silent conversation with their eyes.

“Okay,” Zoe finally said. She caught Evan’s eye and nodded at the door. “So, we should go.”

Joey looked from her to Evan and back again. “You’re going somewhere?”

Zoe closed her eyes and took a breath. “We were thinking about it.”

Joey’s face lit up as he nodded eagerly. “You want to go to Louie’s? They always have a five-dollar breakfast buffet on New Year’s.”

Zoe stared at her feet. She didn’t need to look at Evan to know that this would not be the day they had their talk. 

She smiled stiffly and went to get her backpack. 

“I’ll go warm up the car while you guys get dressed.”


	14. Senior Year - Valentine's Day

**Senior Year – Valentine’s Day (takes place during chapter 23 of _Hansen Investigations_ )**

Jared couldn’t concentrate.

Normally that wouldn’t bother him. It wouldn’t have bothered him this time if he was working on his homework or doing his chores or listening to Henry talk about his latest photo shoot.

He was trying to work on one of Zoe’s videos though. And he took his editing job seriously. He really did. He took it seriously because she had subscribers. Subscribers who watched her videos and left comments and shared them with their internet friends. Subscribers whose opinions mattered to Zoe’s reps. Zoe’s reps who could pressure her into firing him.

Jared didn’t want to get fired. He liked working on the videos. They gave him something to do. They made him feel like he was doing something that mattered. 

Okay, they didn’t matter in a significant way. Zoe wasn’t curing cancer or feeding the hungry or giving makeup tips to clueless preteens. 

Her videos entertained people though. And her songs were good. 

At least, Jared thought they were. He supposed he might be biased though.

He absentmindedly chewed on his pencil as he started the clip again. He still wasn’t happy with it. He felt like the lighting wasn’t right or...

Something. He wasn’t sure what.

He couldn’t make himself concentrate long enough to figure out what was wrong.

He pulled himself up to glare at Evan and Connor. “Do you mind?”

They didn’t seem to have heard them. Evan kept humming the same five notes over and over while Connor nodded like he was telling him how to defuse a bomb.

Jared cleared his throat and opened his mouth to try again, but they turned to face him before he could.

“Are you working on something?” Evan frowned. “What’re you working on?”

Connor hummed the tune again. “Is it bah-ah-ah-ah-bah or-”

“Oh my God,” Jared moaned. “You two are detectives! Shouldn’t this be cake for you? Isn’t there an app that will identify the song you’re singing?”

“It didn’t work,” Evan sighed. “The melody in my head is too short. It couldn’t identify it.”

“No one can identify that,” Jared scoffed.

Evan rubbed his forehead and leaned against the wall. “I think it’s from a movie.”

Jared inhaled irritably. “Harry Potter?”

“What?”

“Everything’s Harry Potter with you two,” Jared smirked.

“It isn’t Harry Potter.” Evan tilted his head at Connor. “Is it?”

“I don’t think so,” Connor shrugged.

“It isn’t Star Wars,” Jared said. “I can tell you that much.”

Evan’s eyes widened as he grabbed his laptop again. “I bet it’s from that movie my mom was watching the other night.”

Connor opened his browser too. “What’s it called?”

“I don’t know,” Evan mumbled. “It was a period piece. There were ladies in hoop skirts and... I don’t know. That’s all I saw.”

“Well, that should be easy to find...” Jared rolled his eyes.

Connor jumped up and nodded at the door. “Come on. Let’s go find my mom. She loves that shit. I bet she can figure out what movie it’s from.”

Jared didn’t follow them out. They didn’t ask him. It was like he wasn’t there.

He couldn't help feeling insulted until he realized that he should be relieved. He should be relieved that they hadn’t realized he was working on one of Zoe’s videos.

That he was working on the video with the sound off.

That he wasn’t really doing anything that could be classified as work.

His cheeks heated up when that thought formed in his mind. He really needed to be careful about this. He really needed to be careful when he was around Evan and Connor.

Zoe’s ex and her brother? 

He really, really needed to be careful.

Even if they were oblivious to these things. Which they obviously were. 

He couldn’t let that lull him into a false sense of security. This would not end well for him if either of them figured out that he...

He scratched his neck and closed his laptop. 

He decided to leave the room because it felt weird to sit in Connor’s room by himself. To sit there in the dark, watching videos of Connor’s sister.

Yeah, there was no way that ended well.

He scanned the hallway. He shook his head when he heard Evan and Connor hum the tune. He heard Connor’s mother ask them to do it again. He felt like yelling that she didn’t know what she was getting herself into.

He couldn’t deal with that anymore. He couldn’t hear those notes again. It was a wonder they weren’t permanently burned into his brain.

He pretended he didn’t know where they’d gone and headed for the stairs.

He went into the kitchen because he was hungry and he heard voices in there.

And, okay, yeah, he could tell that one of those voices belonged to Zoe. 

The other one belonged to Kelsey. Jared froze when he saw that. 

At least he hadn’t brought his laptop with him. Kelsey would’ve tried to offer him “editing advice” again if she thought he was working on a video.

He half-expected her to try that anyway. He really didn’t like the glint she got in her eye when she noticed him.

“Kelsey,” Jared greeted stiffly.

“Jared,” Kelsey mimicked.

Zoe rolled her eyes at him. “Kelsey’s not trying to steal your job!”

“I know,” Jared snapped defensively.

And he did know. In theory anyway. He wasn’t sure if he believed that though.

“Are the boys still humming?” Zoe grinned.

“Don’t ask,” Jared muttered.

Connor had made the mistake of asking Zoe to try to play the song in Evan’s head on her guitar. He’d thought that it might help them figure it out if they heard the notes on an actual instrument.

It hadn’t helped. It had only managed to confuse Evan and had led to several excruciatingly frustrating minutes where he hummed at least ten slightly different variations of the song.

Jared really did not want to hear that tune ever again.

Zoe suddenly hopped off her chair when her mother shouted for her. She paused in the doorway long enough to tell Jared and Kelsey to play nice.

Jared folded his arms across his chest and glowered at Kelsey. She raised her eyebrows and leaned back in her chair like he wasn’t fazing her at all.

“So, I noticed you haven’t posted the Valentine’s video yet,” Kelsey smirked.

“Yeah...” 

“Valentine’s Day is almost over.”

“I still have, like, six hours.”

“I would’ve posted it a couple days ago. Do you really think people are going to want to watch it this late?”

“People will still be celebrating this weekend,” Jared pointed out.

“Eh,” Kelsey shrugged. “Maybe. I guess...”

Jared clenched his teeth as he studied her. He tried to hold his tongue. He tried to swallow what he was thinking, to ignore it and push it away.

He did not succeed.

He narrowed his eyes and gave her his most menacing glare. “Stop trying to steal my job!”

Kelsey burst out laughing. 

Laughing-laughing. He was not witnessing a burst of nervous laughter. She was not even a little bit nervous.

“You are so paranoid! For the last time, I am not trying to steal your job. Trust me, you’d know if I was. You’d know because it would be mine.”

Jared hated her confidence. It was bordering on cockiness. He tried to make his face go blank, but he was pretty sure he hadn’t succeeded.

“You know,” Jared said slowly. “I’ve always wanted an archnemesis.”

Kelsey snorted and shook her head at him. “You don’t want me to be your enemy. I’m a Murphy. We can be ruthless when we want to be.”

Jared frowned as he realized that was probably true. He knew her uncle had a reputation for being a tough lawyer. And her father hadn’t created his empire accidentally. Everyone knew that Kevin Murphy could be a shark when he wanted to be. 

Jared had never seen anything that suggested Kelsey had inherited that trait, but he knew she knew her way around a computer. Kelsey could destroy his digital life without breaking a sweat. She could really do some major damage if she got one of her father’s employees to help her.

He swallowed anxiously. “You only use your powers for good, right?”

“Don’t tempt me,” Kelsey grinned.

Her grin was so evil that Jared wanted to shudder.

Yeah, he really did not want Kevin Murphy’s daughter to be his archnemesis.

He looked away when he saw the way she was smirking at him. 

“So...” Kelsey drawled. “Why do you care so much?”

“What?”

“Why are you so freaked about losing the producing gig?”

“I’m not freaked!”

Kelsey’s grin widened when she saw his panic. “You are so freaked. Look at you!”

She rested her head on her chin and squinted at him. “You have a thing for Zoe, don’t you?”

Jared pulled back from the table so quickly that he almost fell off his chair. He blinked at the stairs like there was a chance that Zoe had returned.

Or Connor and Evan had stopped humming and decided to have a snack.

He didn’t know which of those would have been worse.

Luckily, no one was there. 

Not so luckily, his panic had obviously confirmed Kelsey’s suspicions. 

In her mind, at least.

Jared slumped down in his chair when he saw that.

He hated this. He hadn’t told anyone about his crush on Zoe. He wasn’t even sure that he’d call it a crush.

He just...

He thought she was really cool. And nice. And funny. And pretty. And...

He’d liked her for a while. His stomach dropped as he thought about that. 

He glanced up to find Kelsey shaking her head sympathetically.

“She doesn’t know,” Kelsey whispered. “I’m pretty sure she doesn’t anyway.”

“Okay,” Jared nodded.

“I’m not going to tell her. Because, see, I’m a nice person. A nice person who doesn’t go around stealing jobs and blabbing other people’s secrets.”

She was looking at him like she expected him to thank her. Jared wasn’t about to do that.

Because thanking her would mean admitting that she was right and he really didn’t want to do that.

Archnemesis or not, he didn’t want to give Kelsey the satisfaction of having something on him.

They heard Zoe before they saw her. Jared was grateful for that. He’d never thought Zoe was a particularly loud walker. He didn’t know if he could hear her because he was on edge or because sound echoed when people ran down the stairs to the kitchen. 

Or maybe it was just because Zoe was laughing hysterically. Her whole body was shaking with laughter when she ran into the room.

“We found it! Mom had me go through my Netflix history and we found it!”

Jared exchanged a glance with Kelsey and shrugged.

“Are you guys staying for dinner?” Zoe asked breathlessly. “Mom told me to order something. We’re all going to watch the movie in the living room.”

“The movie?” Kelsey repeated.

“Evan’s convinced he’ll only get the song out of his head if he listens to it, so Mom talked him into staying over and watching the movie and...” Zoe was laughing so hard she had to put a hand on the counter to steady herself. “And Connor said he’d watch it too. Mom’s so excited that she actually suggested we have pizza for dinner. She can’t believe he agreed to watch it. She thinks it’s because he wants to spend time with her, not because he’s-”

Zoe stopped laughing abruptly and straightened herself up. 

Jared’s face scrunched up as he watched the girls exchange a look. He was missing something. He was definitely missing something.

“He’s what?” Jared asked when it became clear that Zoe wasn’t going to finish that thought.

“Nothing,” Zoe murmured. She grabbed her phone and unlocked it. “So, are you guys staying or not?”

“I am,” Kelsey said firmly. “Dad’s cooking a special dinner for Mom.”

She wrinkled her nose disdainfully. “He’s trying to butter her up again. I am so not getting in the way of that.”

Zoe glanced at Jared expectantly. “What about you?”

Jared weighed his options. Staying meant spending more time with Zoe. He stared at his shoes when that occurred to him. When that was the first thing to occur to him.

It also meant spending more time with Kelsey, who he was starting to classify as his stealth archnemesis. 

There was also a very good chance that he’d have to endure more of Evan’s humming.

Going home meant being the fifth wheel at the dinner his parents were hosting for Henry and Sophie though.

Anything was better than that.

“I’m staying too,” Jared decided.

“Okay,” Zoe nodded. “I better make it four pizzas then.”

She looked up from her phone long enough to give them each a beady stare. “What’d you guys talk about while I was gone?”

She didn’t say it, but Jared could tell she was wondering if they’d gotten along. She was very clearly searching for signs that she needed to separate them.

“Nothing,” Jared said quickly. He met Kelsey’s stare when she turned to smirk at him.

“Nothing at all,” Kelsey grinned.


	15. Senior Year - Birthday Weekend

**Senior Year – Birthday Weekend (takes place between chapters 25 and 26 of _Hansen Investigations_ )**

Zoe couldn’t sleep. She didn’t know why. She should be exhausted. It had been a busy night. The paintball war, the club, the dancing...

She should’ve passed out the second her head hit the pillow.

She hadn’t though. She didn’t know if it was due to leftover adrenaline or Kelsey’s snoring.

Apparently, Kelsey finally felt comfortable enough sleeping in Zoe’s room to let herself snore.

Zoe rolled over and nudged her cousin’s shoulder with her foot. 

That was a jerk move. She knew that. She really knew it when Kelsey opened her eyes to find a foot in her face.

Kelsey grumbled something under her breath and batted Zoe’s foot away. The trundle bed squeaked as she pulled her pillow over her head.

It only took her a second to start snoring again.

Zoe sighed and sat up to glare at her cousin. She hated to admit it, but she was starting to feel like Kelsey was overstaying her welcome.

She wasn’t about to say that out loud though because she knew there was no way her parents were going to make Kelsey leave. If she said something, they’d go through with the plan they didn’t think she knew about. 

They’d move Kelsey into Joey’s room.

Zoe wasn’t ready for that. She didn’t think she’d ever be ready for that. She didn’t think she could ever see that room as something other than Joey’s room.

She climbed out of bed and padded across the room. She couldn’t stay there, tossing and turning and waiting for sleep to come.

And she knew from experience that the light from her phone would wake Kelsey up. No good ever came from that.

The house was quiet. It always was this time of the night. 

She stood in the hallway and looked around. She walked towards Joey’s room out of habit because that was where she’d always gone on nights like this.

She couldn’t even begin to guess how many times she’d ended up in there when she couldn’t sleep. 

Joey hadn’t minded. At least, he’d always said he hadn’t. He never got upset when she woke him up. 

He’d been confused sometimes, sure, but it never took him long to perk up and ask her what movie she wanted to watch.

He’d always asked, even though the answer was always the same – _The Princess Bride_.

Zoe put a hand on the door, but didn’t open it. She didn’t need to open it to know what was inside. 

It was comforting and disconcerting and depressing to know that Joey’s room still looked exactly the same.

She turned to go. Where, she wasn’t sure. Downstairs, maybe? She could curl up on the couch and watch tv and play on her phone until she felt tired.

That was as a good a plan as any.

She came to a stop in front of Connor’s room. He was up too. She could see the light shining through the crack under his door. She didn’t know how she hadn’t noticed it right away.

She lifted her hand to knock before she could overthink this, before she could talk herself out of it.

He didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure if that was because she’d knocked too softly or because he didn’t feel like answering.

She tried again.

She took a breath and reached for the handle when he still didn’t respond. She opened the door slowly.

It was a risky move, a bold one, one that she wouldn’t have done during the day when she was fully awake.

His room was empty. She didn’t know what to think when she saw he wasn’t there.

The light by his bed was on and his bathroom door was closed.

She felt like cursing when she noticed that. She knew she was asking for trouble if he found her standing there when he came out of the bathroom. 

His phone buzzed as she turned to leave. 

She moved towards it automatically. She couldn’t help it. She couldn’t stop herself from looking to see who was texting Connor in the middle of the night.

His bathroom door flew open just as she grabbed the phone.

Her heart did a flip when she looked up. They stared at each other for a moment before he charged across the room and snatched it away from her.

“What the fuck, Zoe?” Connor shouted. “What are you-”

“Shh,” Zoe hissed. “Are you trying to wake the entire house?”

Connor’s mouth formed a thin line as he glared at her. He didn’t say another word though. Zoe let out a nervous huff as she thought about the fact that he really was learning to control his temper.

“Sorry,” Zoe muttered. “I couldn’t sleep and...”

“You decided to come snoop through my things?”

Zoe squeezed her eyes shut. There were several ways she could handle this. She could turn around and walk out of there and never speak about this ever again.

Or she could give in and let her curiosity get the better of her.

She bit her lip as she nodded at his phone. “Who’s Lena?”

A flash of panic crossed Connor’s face. It happened so quickly that Zoe wasn’t sure she’d interpreted it correctly. 

“A friend,” Connor finally said.

Zoe’s brow furrowed as she considered that. She couldn’t think of anyone she knew with that name. “Does she go to our school?”

Connor sighed as he sat on his bed. “She works at Club Sparkle.”

Zoe couldn’t help laughing at that. “She’s a stripper?”

“An entertainer,” Connor corrected. “I met her...”

His voice trailed off as he glanced at his phone. Zoe looked away. She couldn’t bring herself to meet his stare when he looked up again.

There were several ways she could handle this. She could pretend she hadn’t seen Lena’s text or she could...

Who was she kidding? Joey had always said that Insomniac Zoe was even more candid than Drunk Zoe.

“What did she mean by that?” Zoe asked quietly. 

Connor threw his phone down and shook his head at her. “What part of it didn’t you understand?”

“She said you finally kissed your guy? Who’s your guy?” 

She bit her lip when she saw the way her questions made him stare at his feet.

She nodded to herself. “Evan? You kissed Evan?”

She flinched when she heard how loud that came out.

Connor rolled his eyes. “Are you trying to wake the entire house?”

Zoe breathed in sharply. She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t say that she was surprised. Not totally anyway. She’d known about Connor’s crush, even if he hadn’t admitted to it.

She was surprised that something had happened between them though. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. 

She forgot that train of thought as soon as she saw his expression. 

“What happened?” She plopped down next to him when he didn’t respond. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Connor looked at her strangely. “You want to talk about it? Isn’t this a weird thing for us to...”

“Why?” Zoe laughed. “Because we’ve kissed the same guy?”

Connor stared at her for a moment before laughing too. “Something like that.”

“Evan and I are over,” Zoe reminded him. “Way over. Like ancient history over.”

She watched her hands twist around in her lap as Insomniac Zoe tried to strike again. She wanted to ask if this meant that Evan was gay because he definitely hadn’t acted like he was when they went out. He’d definitely seemed like he was into it whenever they...

She cringed when she realized that she’d said that last part out loud.

She shrugged sheepishly. “Sorry. I just mean-”

“It wasn’t a real kiss,” Connor blurted out.

“What do you mean it wasn’t a real kiss?”

“He only kissed me because-”

“He kissed you?” Zoe gasped.

Connor narrowed his eyes. “He only kissed me because he didn’t want to get caught by the guy we were following.”

“So, naturally, the most logical way to do that was to stick his tongue down your throat?”

“We were in the Shadow Room. That’s the main reason people go to the Shadow Room.”

Zoe wrinkled her nose. “Okay... So-”

“So it didn’t mean anything.”

“It did to you.”

Zoe said that so quietly that she barely heard it herself. She dropped her gaze immediately.

She really needed to learn how to keep Insomniac Zoe in check.

She could tell that her observation was accurate though. It had meant something to Connor.

She was going to kill Evan for messing with her brother.

She snorted when that thought popped into her head. She’d never thought the day would come where she’d want to kill someone for messing with Connor.

Zoe sighed and leaned back against the wall. “So, exactly how awake are you right now?”

“What?”

“I mean, are you going to pass out the second I walk out of here or...”

“Or what?”

Zoe nodded at his laptop. “Do you want to watch something?”

Connor considered that for a second. “That depends. What do you have in mind?”

Zoe didn’t need to think about it. There really was only one answer to that question. 

It had been over a year since she’d watched it, but she knew she could still recite the dialogue word for word. 

She knew it wouldn’t be the same. She knew there was no way she’d make it through the movie without crying. 

She also knew it was exactly what she needed to see at that moment.

“ _The Princess Bride_?” Connor guessed. He rolled his eyes at Zoe’s surprise. “I could always tell when you and Joey stayed up late watching it. You were freaking annoying the next day.”

Zoe couldn’t help smiling at that. “We did love our quotes.”

She gazed at the laptop until he stood up to grab it.

He bumped her shoulder when he sat back down. “As you wish...”


	16. Senior Year - March

**Senior Year – March (takes place during chapter 31 of _Hansen Investigations_ )**

Connor couldn’t remember the last time he’d been shaken awake. He couldn’t even remember the last time someone had stayed in his room during the waking up process.

By the time he started high school, his parents had realized that it was not in their best interest to touch him when they wanted him to get up. They’d come to that conclusion the day he thrashed around so much that he nearly gave his father a black eye.

After that incident, they used other tactics when his alarm didn’t do the trick. They opened his shades, pulled back his covers, blasted classical music until he bolted up, swearing and screaming threats at everyone who dared to share his genes.

It had been a while since they’d had to do any of those things. Connor was happy to say he had successfully gotten himself up every day that year.

Which explained why it was so disorienting when he woke up to find his father shaking his shoulder.

He blinked and yawned and attempted to ask what was going on. The words didn’t come out right, but his father seemed to understand.

“We have to get out of the house,” Larry explained.

That got Connor’s attention. He pulled himself up and squinted at his father. “Is the house on fire?”

“No,” Larry shook his head. “The police are here. They want to search the house again.”

Connor pulled on a sweatshirt and shoved his feet into the first pair of shoes he stumbled across.

He didn’t say anything as he followed his father down the stairs. He yawned and stretched and focused on not tripping. His body felt heavy with exhaustion, which really wasn’t a surprise seeing as how he’d only slept for...

He instinctively reached for his phone, only to remember that it was still plugged in next to his bed. He turned to tell his father he’d be right back, but stopped himself when he saw that there were already three police officers searching their living room.

Searching the living room vents, to be exact.

Connor swallowed dryly when he noticed that. It only took a moment for his brain to fill in the blanks.

Joey had hidden the incriminating flash drive in his vent. The police were checking to see if he’d hidden something else.

Connor looked up when he sensed his father watching him.

“There’s coffee in the kitchen,” Larry said. “And your mother’s making pancakes. She’s determined to be a proper host despite all of this...”

Connor nodded vaguely. His mind very quickly switched gears when he caught sight of Zoe. She was curled up on the porch swing, staring at her phone. He wondered what she was reading. He wondered if there was news. He needed to get his phone. 

His father was watching him knowingly when he turned around again.

“Evan’s going to be okay,” Larry reminded him.

“I know,” Connor muttered.

He knew that much. He knew Evan was alive and relatively well. That was all he knew though. 

All that he definitely knew. He’d heard so many rumors and stories at the precinct that he didn’t know what to believe.

And it was driving him crazy.

“They kept him at the hospital overnight,” Larry went on. “Your mother asked one of the detectives for an update. Evan broke his arm, but that’s it. He’s going to be fine.”

Connor breathed in quickly. He wanted to believe his father. It wasn’t that he thought his father would lie to him, not about something like this at least, but he needed to hear the news himself. He needed to steal Zoe’s phone and skim her newsfeed.

His father grabbed his arm as he turned to go. He clenched his teeth to keep himself from shrugging him off.

“Wait,” Larry whispered. “It’ll save us all a lot of time if...”

“If what?”

Larry looked around hurriedly before asking, “Did you give Joey any other hiding places?”

Connor narrowed his eyes instinctively. His hands balled into fists as he braced himself for a fight. He didn’t know why he was surprised to hear that his father knew he’d told Joey about the vents. Of course, his parents thought this was his fault. Of course, they blamed him for what Joey had done. They probably blamed him for all of this. They were probably trying to find a way to blame him for what Kevin had done too.

He tilted his head uncertainly when he saw that his father didn’t look angry or upset or anything that suggested it bothered him that his screwup of a son had taught Joey, his son who had been a boy scout in everything but name, how to be sneaky.

“No,” Connor said firmly.

“Okay,” Larry nodded. 

He looked like he wanted to laugh when he let go of Connor’s arm. Connor didn’t know what to make of that.

“I only told him about the vents,” Connor maintained.

Larry grinned as one of the detectives ducked around them and headed for the stairs.

“I used the floorboards.”

Connor did a double take when he grasped his father’s meaning. “What?”

“There were three loose floorboards in my room growing up. I used the space under them whenever I wanted to...” Larry shrugged as his voice trailed off.

The detective on the stairs waved to get their attention. “Are there any vents in the attic?”

“One,” Larry called. “Here. I’ll open it up for you. The door can be tricky.”

Connor could feel himself relax the second his father was gone. That hadn’t been as bad as he’d been expecting, but still...

He decided to tuck away the fact that his father had hidden things under his floorboards. He wondered what kind of things. He wondered if there was any way for him to find out.

That was a mystery for another day though.

He heard his mother calling to him from the kitchen, but he pretended not to hear. The coffee smelled amazing and his stomach was grumbling and he couldn’t remember how long it had been since he’d eaten, but first things first.

He went out onto the porch and sat across from Zoe. 

She chewed her lip when she looked up at him. “They’re checking the vents?”

“Yeah,” Connor nodded. He smirked when he saw how that made her shift around uncomfortably. “What did you hide?”

“Hide?” Zoe squeaked. She closed her eyes and lowered her phone. 

“You may as well tell me since I’m going to find out anyway.”

Zoe narrowed her eyes at him. “What’s in your vent?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Zoe scoffed. “You expect me to believe that?”

“I cleared my vent out last year. I trashed it all.”

Zoe buried her face in her hands. “I should’ve done that too.”

“What did you hide?” Connor laughed.

Zoe sighed and glanced over her shoulder quickly. “Okay, just so you know, they were gifts.”

“Gifts?”

Zoe glared at her phone like she blamed it for her current predicament. “I’m going to kill Maya...”

“Maya? Isn’t she-”

“One of my friends,” Zoe finished brusquely. “Her sister hosted a party last year and she got all our Christmas presents from it. And I haven’t used it. Not that there’s anything wrong with using those things, but mine is pink with leopard spots and...”

Zoe shuddered at the thought. “I was going to throw it out, but that was the week Mom kept going through the trash because you... you know.”

Connor nodded slightly. 

“And then Jenny told me about how her mother found hers and lectured her about how to keep it clean.” Zoe shuddered again. “And how to use it properly. It was just... It’s so much worse if you know her mother.”

Connor’s grin widened as he realized what she was getting at. “You know they’re going to want to take it in and swab it for evidence, don’t you?”

“Oh my God,” Zoe moaned into her hands. “That’s it. I’m hiring a stripper for Maya’s birthday party, the one that her parents are hosting.”

Her eyes lit up dangerously. “Do you think your friend Lena would do it?”

“You want a female stripper?”

“It doesn’t matter what kind,” Zoe shrugged. “It’s the principle of the matter.”

Connor shook his head as she scrolled through her phone again. “Is there any news?”

“Nothing official,” Zoe said. “You heard Evan broke his arm, didn’t you?”

Connor nodded. “Anything else?”

“There are a lot of stories, a lot of speculation, but...” Zoe shrugged. “Are you going to go see him later?”

Connor twisted his hands around in his lap. He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure if Evan would want to see him. He couldn’t blame him if he didn’t.

“You should,” Zoe said softly. “I’m going to go see Kelsey later.”

“Have you heard from her?”

“Not recently,” Zoe muttered.

Kelsey and Josh had spent the night at their grandparents’ house. Connor wondered if Kelsey would ever set foot in his house again. He wondered if she’d ever set foot in her house again.

He pulled himself up and nodded at the door. “You want to go eat?”

Zoe’s eyes widened as she slid off the swing. “Maybe it melted.”

“What?”

“My... you know,” Zoe laughed. “Maybe it melted in the vent. That’s possible, isn’t it?”

“Maybe?” Connor said. He seriously doubted that it was, but she looked so relieved by the thought that he didn’t want to crush it.

“Fingers crossed,” Zoe grinned. She held up her hands to show that she meant that literally.

“Fingers crossed,” Connor echoed.


	17. Freshman Year - September

**Freshman Year – September (takes place after _Hansen Investigations_ )**

College was better than high school. Evan had heard that so many times that he didn’t actually expect it to be true. 

That wasn’t entirely true. He expected it to be different. Different in a good way, he hoped. He didn’t expect it to be nearly as great as everyone made it out to be though.

It was definitely different. It didn’t take him long to realize exactly how different it was.

Different from high school, different from what he’d imagined it would be like.

He didn’t live in a dorm, for one. That was his choice. He decided he’d rather live at home than get stuck living with a stranger. Make that multiple strangers. His school was dealing with its housing shortage by packing the students in like sardines.

And, really, it just made sense. His scholarship didn’t cover housing and he only lived a half hour away. 

Some days, he drove himself. Other days, he carpooled. He wasn’t the only one living at home. After everything that had happened, Connor and Zoe decided they didn’t want to leave their parents yet. And Jared didn’t want to leave his room. He was determined to leave his mark on it in a way that would discourage Henry from coming home when his marriage inevitably failed. Evan didn’t think he wanted to know what that meant. 

There were definitely some perks to living at home. It was comforting and familiar. He did not envy his classmates when they complained about their roommates. 

And living at home made it easy for him to keep working for his mother. He didn’t think he could’ve kept his job if he’d lived on campus. He knew he would’ve been a nightmare roommate if he’d tried. He didn’t think a group of strangers would’ve appreciated living with a guy who was always coming and going at weird hours and often smelled like a delightful combination of smoke, weed, and miscellaneous bodily fluids.

He also knew that his mother would’ve cut his hours if she could. She would’ve told him not to bother making the trek back to Saturn because she didn’t have any work for him to do. 

She still tried that from time to time even though he could see she was lying. She kept telling him that his studies came first. He agreed with her, but his course load wasn’t nearly as demanding as he’d expected it to be. In some ways, it was easier than high school. It mainly involved a lot of reading, a lot of independent studying. Things that he could do while on a stakeout. 

He liked his classes. He liked studying a variety of subjects. It was weird though. Weird because he didn’t know what he wanted to major in.

He’d never expected to have that problem. He’d always expected to end up doing something in the scientific field. What, he wasn’t sure. Not exactly anyway. He’d always figured he’d end up tucked away in a lab somewhere, doing research and experiments and hiding from the world.

There was still a part of him that expected his life to go that way, but it wasn’t the only future he was imagining. College had changed that. It didn’t take him long to decide he liked Intro to Criminology as much, if not more, than he liked Intro to Environmental Science.

He kept that to himself in the beginning because he wasn’t sure what to make of it. It didn’t seem to matter though. He didn’t think anyone was surprised when he announced that he was debating whether he could handle a double major.

 

It was almost dark when Evan finally started to see some action inside the warehouse. He put away his textbook and grabbed his camera off the passenger seat. He zoomed in and snapped a few trial pictures. It took him a minute to get the settings right, to get them to a point where he knew he’d be able to capture Rex Merritt when he finally made his move.

His phone buzzed. He glanced at it quickly and replied to his mother. He told her he expected to be home for dinner, that he was almost done with the job.

He frowned when he noticed there was another unread message on there. Connor must’ve texted him while he’d been reading this week’s case study. He always got wrapped up in those to a point where he was starting to think it was a bad idea to read them when he was on a stakeout.

He shook his head when he read Connor’s text. Connor wanted to know if he wanted company while he monitored Rex. He shook his head again when his eyes flickered up to the rearview mirror.

That explained the figure lurking around behind his car...

Evan unlocked the door and leaned back nonchalantly, like he hadn’t noticed anything.

“Don’t tell me you’ve been sitting here with the car unlocked,” Connor growled as he climbed inside.

Evan raised his eyebrows at him. “Do you think I’m an idiot?”

Connor simply raised his eyebrows in return.

“I unlocked the doors two seconds ago when I saw you-”

“You saw me?”

“Were you trying to be stealthy? Because that wasn’t stealthy.”

Connor’s eyes widened in alarm. “Did they see me?”

“No,” Evan rolled his eyes. “They’re too busy...”

His voice trailed off when he saw that he’d almost missed the deal. Rex was shaking hands with the supervisor and the boxes were being moved and...

He angled the camera and pushed the shutter button repeatedly. He sighed as he lowered it again.

His hands shook as he examined the evidence. “That was close.”

“Sorry,” Connor muttered sheepishly. He nodded at the camera. “Was that it? Are you done?”

“I want to get a shot of Rex getting in his work vehicle. That’s why I parked here.”

“Okay,” Connor said. He tapped his fingers in front of him as studied Evan. “You’re being careful, aren’t you?”

“Yes, Mom.”

Connor wrinkled his nose. “I’m serious. You’re-”

“I check the backseat before I get in the car now.”

“I know, but-”

“And I have the alarm on my keys and the whistle and the pepper spray and my stun gun. And-”

“I hate it when you do these things by yourself.”

“I know, but you had class. How was it, by the way?”

“You’re not changing the subject!” Connor flexed his fingers again. “You could’ve brought Jared. Or Zoe. She would’ve gone with you if you’d asked.”

“Are you serious? Zoe would’ve been bored out of her mind and Jared would’ve had delusions of storming the warehouse and taking down the bad guys.”

“True,” Connor muttered. “But still-”

“I was – am – fine,” Evan insisted. He sat up straight when he saw where Rex was heading. “Showtime.”

Connor shook his head and laughed. “I feel like we should tell him to say ‘cheese.’”

“That’s so cliché,” Evan grinned. 

“Then what do you suggest?”

Evan’s finger hovered above the button as he aimed the camera again. “How about say ‘trees’?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s a wrap again. I’m not currently planning to write any more stories in this universe, but I’m going to hold off on marking the series as complete in case I’m struck with a sudden urge to write _Hansen Investigations – The College Years_.
> 
> Since I usually use this space to warn people about what I’m planning to write next, I’ll say that I’m not planning any other DEH stories at the moment. There’s always a chance that my brain will decide to change that if I get around to rewatching another show. I’m not sure if I’m going to do that anytime soon though since my current shows are all coming back and I’m finally starting to catch up on my Netflix shows.
> 
> If anyone’s wondering, the list of shows that I’m currently considering rewatching includes _Chuck, Psych, Merlin, The West Wing,_ and _Gilmore Girls_. I don’t really see any of those giving me an idea for a DEH story that I feel I must write, but you never know. Stranger things have definitely happened.
> 
> It’s also possible that the part of my brain that hates killing characters (even one who was specifically created to be a murder victim) will force me to write something where Joey gets to live. If that ends up happening, it could be an alternate version of the original show or of one of my stories. 
> 
> It occurred to me that I could write a continuation of _Zoe the Vampire Slayer_ where Joey’s the Key. Which led me to (not at all seriously) think that I could create some sort of megamix of all my stories. I really don’t see that idea happening unless a really amazing plot pops into my head or I get a bad cold. 
> 
> Because the idea of writing a story where Zoe’s the Slayer, Joey’s the Key, Heidi’s a detective, Evan and Connor are pen pals, and the ghost of Hannah Baker is inexplicably haunting the town is exactly the kind of thing I tend to convince myself is brilliant in the middle of the night when I’m hopped up on cold medicine and can’t breathe. (Which could end up happening soon since there is a cold going around here and I’ve officially lost count of the number of people who have sneezed on/near me.)
> 
> There’s also a chance that the DEH novel may give me an idea if I decide to read it. I may or may not end up doing that, depending on whether my brain decides to take a break from writing. If it doesn’t, then I won’t for the same reason I can’t read fan fic about the thing I’m writing about. It’s basically character overload and something in my brain pings and says no if I even think about reading about other versions of the characters I’m writing.
> 
> If I do end up reading the novel though, then my reaction to it will probably be the same one that I always have when there’s a late addition to something I like. That reaction goes something like – I reject this, this, and this, but that’s interesting. I want to write about that.
> 
> So, who knows? I may or may not end up coming up with a plot to go with one of those concepts. If any of them interest you, keep an eye out here and on my Tumblr (also under the name hopefulminty) for updates.
> 
> As always, a huge, huge thank you to everyone who has been reading this. Your comments, kudos, bookmarks, and just general support really is greatly appreciated!


End file.
